A
female
age
26-29,
*race747
writes:Hello Aunts and Uncles, I have a pretty vague question but I'll try and go into detail. I'm a 17 year old female and all my life I've only been attracted to middle aged women. I realized I was gay at about 11 years old, so I consciously knew how I felt, and I guess at the time I thought it was a "phase" or something I would grow out of, but here I am nearly a legal adult and I feel like I couldn't be more sure of myself. I'm both physically and emotionally attracted to only middle aged women. I can't name one woman that's under the age of 40 that I've genuinely been attracted to, and most are significantly older, early to mid 50s. I always thought something that could've factored in was at about age 12 I started getting into music and art, and not the kind that all the other 7th graders were into. At a young age, I could really appreciate musical and artistic creativity and it became my whole life. It was about that time when I started to drift from friends at school, the only people I was interested in socializing with were my parents friends and my teachers. Those were the people I could relate to, the people I could have substantive and intellectually stimulating conversations with, the people I learned from, and the people I enjoyed spending time with. I used to stay at school for hours after it was over helping my teachers grade papers and such just so I could talk to them. 4 out of 6 of my teachers from that year I still regularly talk to. This continued through 8th grade and all throughout high school. I'll be going into my senior year now, and I still have more "teacher friends" than actual friends. I just have absolutely no desire to make friends or spend any time with people my own age. I know it's a tremendous generalization, but I find all of the peers I have intellectually tedious. I'm sure there are some people in my school who have a bright future, but right and left all I see are idiots talking about how "in love" they are with their boyfriend or girlfriend of 2 weeks. All these boys care about is "swag" and weed, and all these girls are having sex and getting pregnant, worst of all, 90% of them still don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". Now tell me, please, why would I want to associate myself with people like this? I just don't get it, I'm the weird one because I actually have priorities. I'm not trying to say I'm above my peers or anything like that, I just feel like I emotionally matured at a young age. and because of that I almost feel like I'm bound to spend my life alone. Getting back to what I was saying before, I came out to my parents freshman year and told them how I felt, I said I've always had teachers that I had feelings for and I don't see that changing. They tried to brush it off at first, they said it was a "power" thing I was attracted to, which I couldn't disagree with more, but I wasn't going to argue, at that point it didn't really matter, I wasn't interested in relationships at all, I knew I was too young, they were just crushes, I certainly wasn't going to cry "love" like everyone else, the thought of that was ridiculous. So, I guess my final point is, up to this point I've never been taken seriously about this. No matter who it is, no matter where it is, all I ever hear is "you'll grow out of it" and people telling me maybe I should seek therapy because of unresolved emotional parental issues. Firstly, you don't gradually become moronic. I'm not going to wake up one morning and think "I should do drugs and get pregnant with everyone else my age." I'm certainly not going to hold my breath for them to become mature adults. Secondly, the point that people like to make most often, and the one that bothers me the most is saying that I'm unconsciously furious with my parents, therefore, I'm attracted to older women. It's hard to even glorify that with a response, but I've always had a perfectly normal relationship with both of my parents, along with their friends, and everyone else in my family for that matter. I would even go as far as to say I have a better relationship with them than most, mutual respect can go a long way. So now that I've made it perfectly clear how I feel about this, I would really appreciate some constructive input. I want to be able to live a normal life, but a lesbian relationship with an age gap that big is absolutely unthinkable to most people. I'm not looking for a relationship now obviously, I'm still in school, but I have my life on track, I've been given incredible opportunities, and have been very fortunate. Hopefully within a few years I'll have a house and a career and be living independently. I realize that's still much younger than most people to want to find someone to spend their life with, but I can't help but think about it. I'm worried, and I don't want to die alone. What's your opinion on my situation? Thank you in advance, any advice is much appreciated.-G.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (23 July 2013):
Dear OP;
I must warn you of something: I suppose that the women you've been attracted to in the past were straight and not interested in you sexually. So you've had innocent and platonic relationships and fantasized about these women in your free time, I suppose. That's not the same thing as actually dating a woman who might be sexually interested in you, the good platonic conversations might get blurred with other needs and expectations.
Don't make the mistake to think that an older woman will always be more courtly and mature than a man or people your age. I've been to the lesbian dating scene long enough to know that there might be older women who'd date younger and inexperienced girls.. but they're not necessarily good partners. There are female versions of "sugar daddys" and "players".
Some people might think it's more harmless if a woman dates another woman than a man, but it's not. Women are NOT better people!! They are NOT less horny, NOT more faithful etc. And the same is true for older people. Yes I know, older grown ups seemed so nice and mature when I was a teen, but try dating them. It's not the same, you'll eventually see that their intelligence might partly be a facade. They have better manners, they don't smoke weed or say swag, but that doesn't mean they will be morally superior. They just hide their flaws more elegantly.
Sorry I must sound like a parent. Anyway, it comes down to me saying please don't idealise older women too much. Make your experiences, follow your heart - but be very cautious! Not everything that glitters is gold.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): Not to be too heavy, but we come into the world alone and leave it the same way.. You do seem very mature and very in touch with who you are, what you want, and how Your going to achieve it .. Good on you ... You are attracted to older women as there is a possibility they hold the key to how you see your future.. This is not a bad thing.. Do not be hard on yourself due to how you emotion and sexually feel.As we get older our outlook on life changes slightly, what used to worry us or was stressful takes on new light.. We change very much like the seasons and we blossom and unfold . So your taste in women may stay the same or indeed it may change .. Like any relationship with a big age gap, you must consider what will happen when your 35 and your partner is 60/70 . Are you prepared for the dynamics and changes that come with old age.. Are you prepared to become not only your partners lover, but also their carer if their health declines? These are the challenges that age gaps cause .. Consideration is highly recommended ..Don't over think at the minute , you are still very young .. But don't get into anything heavy until you feel you can handle it.All said.. Your pretty awesome from what you wrote . And I wish you every happiness treacle .. Take care and keep striving .. X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): Sounds like you like maturity, mentally/intellectually at least. My BF (im bi not gay) was like that, he liked older women for their maturity. Up until he met me that it is. I
Almost 5 years younger and ue say im the most maturewoman he has been with/met. Dont rule out younger women you wil be suprised.
and it that 'look' is what you like then so he it. But again dont rule others out.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 July 2013):
 I think your submittal reveals a young woman who knows herself very well..... and who will, ultimately, have one (or more!) relationships that are fulfilling and rewarding.
As to your questions "about yourself".... I suggest that, if you were to omit your being lesbian, then you are experiencing what many others (hetero- or homosexual) go through. Your predeliction to older women may be something that you will have forever, OR, it may be fleeting... and, sometime, you may change that way that you feel....
With all that said, there is one bit of "advice" that I think you'd want to hear... and which is NOT exclusive to you.... That is, relationships.... and crushes... and attractions that we have, as teens, toward older persons are often inappropriate (such as between a student and a teacher).... and so need to be tempered with level-headed thinking.... That does NOT doom you to "being alone" forever.... it, more correctly, means that there may be relationships which are not appropriate, now, but will be in the future.... Be patient... I predict you have a very good adult live/love life ahead of you!!!
Good luck....
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