A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have engaged a private tutor to help me with my degree, as it is a very tough course. He was not what I expected. He is about two years older than me and completed his degree the year before. We have met up twice now for sessions and I like him but I am not sure if he likes me or is just being nice. However I have a wonderful habit of giggling at some of the things he says and constantly smiling at him. I also find it hard to keep eye contact at times. In our first session, we made general chit chat with one another, and he seemed very kind and interested. He gave me lots of eye contact, and when I grinned at him, he smiled back. When the session had finished, we walked for a while, as I wanted some coffee and he needed to get to the station. We had a good conversation, laughing and joking. When we parted ways he said it was lovely to meet me. I received a text two days later saying, and I paraphrase here: nice to meet me, hoped I had had a good weekend and what topics I wanted to cover for the next session. When I texted back what topic I wanted to do, he said that was a good choice. The next session, was to be held somewhere I had never been before, I arrived ten minutes early, and duly got lost. So I rang him for a bit of help. He suggested I describe what building I was near... now in this part of town, they all look the same. I said the name of the building, and he did not have a clue. Anyway, 15 minutes later I finally find the correct building with the help of a stranger, and the tutor. He was there to meet me. (Also by this point I had sent him a text, in my fluster, with "xx" on it.... oops). So we walk together to the room, I am apologizing profusely for my tardiness, he is telling me not to worry, and I am completely flustered. We enter the room, and he asked me how my week has been. My week had been great this week, loads of things had happened, so we chatted about that. Then we started the session. We sat next to one another, I was fidgeting and faffing about. We discussed some rather or what could have been uncomfortable topics relating to this subject and had a giggle about them ( I have a tendency to make satirical remarks or give some anecdotes, he was laughing). I also learn well through examples, and he kept using this one example, with different variations, (as we were on the topic of physical assaults) if he punched me... and hit Ben sitting next to me instead then that was an attempted assault. He must have used the example of him hitting me, within different scenarios about five times. Each time he used it I started laughing like a loon, he was giggling too, and saying he must have something against me, whilst laughing, I was almost falling off my chair. It was so hard to pull myself together. The hour session was nearly up, and we had only done about half the work and answered 1 of the 3 questions. He said he would stay longer (as I had already paid for 10 sessions up front), I was saying, "No, don't worry I don't want to take up more of your valuable time etc". He said "No, no you have already paid we can take the time from one of the other sessions". So we continued for another about 40 minutes, in which time, I was coming up with these imaginative examples, for example "Someone approaching from behind and hitting the victim with a frying pan", to describe certain scenarios, which I found hilarious, and was making comments like "where did that come from", whilst giggling away... he was laughing too and saying I had a great imagination and was giving him good ideas for scenarios to come up with. We finished the session, I was chatting away about what I was up to that evening, ( having to go back home to dog sit). I realized I hadn't asked how his week had been, specifically his exam he had had the day before. So we were chatting about that as we made our way to the foyer, and about what time and day to book the session for next week. As we were walking out, he said " You're going back to ("insert place here", it is "insert place here" isn't it, where you live?") which I was surprised that he had remembered my inane prattling last time. When we got to the foyer, he had to scan me out, so the conversation went like this: Him: " I will scan you out then come back through" Me: "Don't worry just scan me out, no need for you to come through too" Him: " Ok, it is just I have got some printing to do" Me: "Alright" ( I walk through) Him: " It was lovely to see you again, see you next week" Me: ( I couldn't quite get the words out) "Lovely (raised hand in wave) see you!" So off I ambled, feeling like I had made quite an idiot of myself in that session, and showing myself up as being a bit made. On the journey home, I felt I should apologize in a text, as I was so mad at my behaviour, why had I acted in such a silly way, so I sent this text: "My complete apologises for a) my lateness today, b) my incessant giggling and my general madness. So sorry! It has been a bit of a bonkers week :) Also just realised I put "xx" at the end of my last text, completely forgot who I was texting so sorry about that too!" He replied:"No worries at all! I really enjoyed the session and you've given me plenty of creative ideas for some scenario questions for the next one!! I'll speak to you soon about next week." So... there you have it. My question is does he like me, or is he just being nice? Have I completely blown it by being daft in the last session? I don't know why I ramble, and smile at him a lot of the time, especially when he makes eye contact. I could really do with some guidance on this matter, as I am very inexperienced with boys and don't know how to read the signs at all, but it seems like I show my true feelings too easily. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Thank you so much for the advice. I was thinking along those lines anyway. I don't know why I was reading into things, of course he is going to be nice! So until he does something that is really obvious, I am going to keep the relationship very professional. Then when we finish in April see what happens from there.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 He's just being kind to you. You PAY him to help you of course he's going to be kind to you.
what the test will be is when you are done with tutoring if he wants to continue to see you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): Given that you are paying him for services, my advice would be to keep things professional. Don't worry about whether or not he likes you or is just being nice, he's your tutor right now and it would be extremely unprofessional of him to take advantage of you while being paid to help you with your studies.
I would suggest finding another tutor. If you can't get your money back for the sessions that you've already paid for, then finish those out with this young man before moving on. No matter what though, complete the professional aspect of your relationship before even giving any thought to a personal relationship. Once you're no longer his "pupil" you'll better able to gauge whether he's interested or just being nice.
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