A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My teacher is 24 and started teaching in my school in september (im 15 from the UK). He's not really what others would call 'fit' but i really do like him. I admit to having crushes on teachers before but not like this. And i thought i just needed to stop being silly about this but i think he likes me too. At the end of every lesson i stay behind for a bit and we chat and before i leave he asks for a hug, and i know hes probably just being sweet but i wasnt sure. He constantly asks me if i have a boyrfriend as well. A few weeks ago he started asking me more personal questions i mean mean he asked me if i'd had sex i was really embarassed and said no but he asked if i was waiting for someone really special. He basically keeps confusing me cos i never really know what hes trying to say. The only time that i really knew he must like me was when we hugged and he kissed my neck but maybe he was just being stupid. He's not nasty or anything in fact he's one of the sweetest people ive ever met. i just want some advice :)
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male
reader, soon567  +, writes (5 November 2010):
All relationship like yours the guys are sweet and caring. It’s much harder if they’re jerks. Your guy has crossed the line and if you go to him, he could snap. Go tell someone else. I rather for this guy to hate me to have my parents looking for me.
I have a daughter your age and I would be so hurt personally if she didn’t tell me this was going on. Yeah, I would go crazy on the whole school but that’s me.
A
female
reader, Blod +, writes (2 November 2010):
 He's messed with your head and played with your emotions. Staying away isn't enough. You need to report him for your sake and that of the other pupils in your school. What if one of the other girls in your school were abused by him in the future and everyone found out? You would definitely be blamed then. You have the opportunity to prevent it now. You have to speak up. You'd be a hero for doing so. This is a serious issue which is potentially very dangerous.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i could just tell him that im not comfortable with the way he acts and he might stop.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): There was a situation like this in my high school and I've heard of it in others. First of all, you must know that it's bad. A 24 year old man cannot rightfully be going after a 15 year old girl, and I think you know it's wrong. Also, in every instance I know of a teacher getting involved with a student, they HAVE gotten caught, the teacher suspended and fired. The student then has to deal with all the rumors and gossip about herself in addition to newspaper articles and court trials....you definitely don't want that. It will turn your life upside down.
The other posters are right. You do need to report him! I understand it's hard to control your feelings, but focus them on another peer, NOT on your teacher. Live life as a 15 year old, the time will fly by and you wil be in your 20s dating other people in your 20s. Now is NOT the time, and no matter how sweet he is, he has serious problems and you are not safe with him. Please, report him. I am sure you can ask whoever you tell to "accidentally" witness him being inappropriate with you so that you don't get blamed. Trust that this is in your best interest.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 November 2010):
 I know it is a scary thought but no-one would blame you, I promise. You are just a teenage girl with a crush - you did not ask him to kiss you, hug you or ask sexual questions. If you told a teacher or senior person in the school exactly what you have told us, there is no question that they would not blame you. Your teacher is in the wrong, not you. You are the innocent party here and if you tell a teacher, they will want to look out for you not blame you for this. It is not your fault, and I know they would not think this.
As for your teacher hating you for reporting him - well that doesnt matter, he should not have acted this way around you in the first place. He is an adult, he has had to go through a police check before he could work in your school - therefore he knows that if he behaves like he has around you, then he will lose his job and go to prison. He KNOWS this, so he already knew what risks he was taking by acting this way with you. So he cant hate you when he has done all this himself - he should hate himself, not you.
I know you dont want to report him, and I understand completely - but please, you really need to do the right thing here and report him to a senior teacher. I imagine there are younger children who go to your school, and all these children are at risk from this man. If you dont report him, he could do much worse to a younger child and that is just wrong - but you have the power to stop him. It only takes 1 person to put a stop to dangerous men like him, and it can be you. He will never find out who reported him, the school will keep that confidential and the chances are he is behaving like this with a number of students so any one of them could have reported him.
So please think about this - you will remain anonymous so he will never find out who reported him, they will not blame you are this is totally not your fault, and you will be saving many young students a horrible time. You can make such a difference just by reporting him, so please be brave and go to a teacher, it is the right thing to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut he'd hate me so much if i reported him and i'd be too scared to say anything cos they would blame it on me. I could just stay away from him and see what happens :/ thanks for the advice.
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female
reader, Blod +, writes (2 November 2010):
This doesn't sound right. A teacher's job is to teach you and encourage you to learn and succeed. It helps if you get on with the teacher and enjoy the lessons, but his behaviour? Too far! He's 24 so he's young and inexperienced. And yes he might be sweet, but he's a teacher! He's sacrificing his career and putting himself in a very risky position. He shouldn't be treating anyone the way he's treating you. It's wrong and has to stop.
I agree with the others. k_c100 has summed it up perfectly. You need to report him to another teacher that you know you can trust; a female teacher who's quite high in the hierarchy would be a good idea for you. End all connections with him and hopefully the school will sort everything else out for you.
Please, please report him. Other pupils need to be warned as well. You don't know how many other children he might be treating this way. You're 15 so you're much more aware of what's going on compared to innocent 11 and 12 year olds. So please, don't let this carry on! Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): I'm an 18 year old girl, and I myself was one falling in this trap. Luckily abother teacher saw what my teacher was doing to me. He saw my teacher ask about my virginity and my relationship life. My teacher made extra helps just for me to come to, and instead of helping me with math, he'd ask me if I was intrested in the act of sex.
You need to tell another teacher. If you're scared I highly suggest a female teacher because it will be less awkward than confronting your parents or another teacher, although your parents should know. You should also tell your friends of this teachers behavior.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 November 2010):
I'm really sorry to say this and I know this is not what you want to hear, but you need to stay away from this man and report him right away to your head teacher or head of year - he is dangerous and should not be working with children.
He is an adult in a position of responsiblity - there is NO circumstance where it is ok to hug, kiss or ask sexual questions of your students. From his behaviour it sounds like he is a pedophile or has a liking for teenage girls and is trying to get you into bed and have sex with you. His behaviour is completely ILLEGAL - he should lose his job and be put on the sex offenders register for what he is doing to you.
I know you like him and dont want to get him into trouble, but if you dont report him I would be very worried that he could end up sexually abusing you. It sounds like he is grooming you for sex - this is where an adult plays with the emotions of the child/teenager (i.e. you) so that you fall for him. Once he knows you have fallen for him he knows it will be much easier to get you to have sex with him, then he will use you for sex, even when you are not comfortable with having sex he will convince you it is the "right" thing to do because you love each other (note - he is not in love with you nor does he like you in that way, he clearly has some mental problems and sexual issues).
Please please report him to a senior member of staff at your school, he is a danger to you and the other children at the school. It is illegal for adults to have sex with children, it is illegal for teachers to have relationships with children - and these laws are in place to prevent exactly what is happening to you right now. He is not a mentally stable man, he has some serious issues if he thinks it is ok to ask about a child's sex life and kiss a child on the neck when he is in a position of power.
As a teacher, they have responsbility to look out for the child's welfare, and make sure the child is safe and secure at all times. Because of their responsiblity for the child, this is a position of power - because they are the students superior, they are educating them and also helping them develop emotionally as well. This means that the student is very susceptible to being influenced by their teachers, because they trust the teacher and respect them. So for a child to have a crush on a teacher - that is normal. But for a teacher to abuse their position of power and manipulate a child into sex or a relationship is very very wrong and illegal. He should want what is best for you - and this is not being hugged, kissed or spoken to about sex by an adult.
This is already verging on child abuse and if you do not report him now then it will get a lot worse. I know you dont see any harm in it because you "like" him - but this is exactly what he wants. He wants you to think that he likes you (when he doesnt - he only wants sex) so that you fall for him, then you wont report him because you think you are getting to be in a relationship with a man you like. But if you did not "like" him - I bet you would have no questions that his behaviour is inappropriate and you would report it. Imagine if another teacher was acting this way - surely you would feel uncomfortable and scared by it? Just because this teacher is a bit younger and you like him does not exempt him from the law - he is breaking the law and needs to stay away from children as he is dangerous.
Please, for your own safety and the safety of the other children in the school, report him to a senior member of staff. You wont get into any trouble and you will be doing the right thing, I promise.
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