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female
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anonymous
writes: A woman who is a real stubborn "B", to her boyfriend, because is too stubborn to communicate in a calm fashion, or too stubborn to take his constant criticism. Does she deserve to be verbally threatened by her man? No actual physical abuse, but very verbal. Does she deserve that? Is it right to be scared into submission in hopes my stubbornness will subside or hopes that I would come to my senses? Is this right, is this how it should be for a woman that happens to have a stubborn streak? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2005): No-it is not right to be verbally threatened in any way by your bf. If he's upset by your stubborn disposition, then he should reamin calm, tell you his opinion and stand by it. But it should be done in an adult, mature manner. Criticizing each other is wrong..it only serves to make the situation worse. He does have the "right" to voice his thoughts and feelings and you should respect him
enough to listen. I'm not sure how extreme you take your stubborness but remember, some traits that make each type of person unique and valuable can often get taken to an extreme, and that's the source of a lot of unhappiness for a lot of couples.
Stubborn people resist changes that threaten their sense of security. They may grit their teeth or become upset easily when someone wants to change something. They tend to say “no” very quickly without listening to what is being asked of them. When pushed or rushed, they get may angry and dig in their heels even more. If this is you, you should be willing to make a few positive changes to make life happier for him and yourself. Some good tips for stubborn people: Think before you speak, and consider the consequences before you act. Learn to relax, and don't expect others to do things just like you. Be softer and more gentle, and include him when making decisions.
If one or both of you are stubborn, learn to give each other extra time to adjust to whatever is changing. Don’t surprise them. Never make sudden demands. Give them options and choices. Be casual in your approach. Be calm with them. Ask them for input on issues, rather than telling them what to do.
But no one deserves to be verbally abused for any reason! If your Bf is doing this, you should really consider walking away. My fear is his frustration with your "stubborn side' may lead him to getting so angry that it will turn to violent behaviour. This a big wake-up call...to some serious problems in your relationship. I hope you two are able to resolve these problems. If you can't get some couple counselling or end the realtionship..verbal abuse is NOT healthy!
Take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Irish
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