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anonymous
writes: I'm 23 years old and am seeing a guy who is 16 years older than me. We met in the workplace - he started chatting me up in January this year and we finally went out for the first time two months later.I have only had one previous boyfriend before - when I was 21 - and that ended after three months as I went back to university. I was painfully shy and nervous with him - we kissed but I didn't enjoy it, he also undid my jeans several times and explored, and he tried to get me to do the same to him but that just scared the life out of me and so he was disappointed. And then he dumped me by text message saying he wanted to be single - but a week later I found out he had slept with my brother's girlfriend!Now, more about this older work colleague I am seeing - M is type 1 diabetic, and has been through a hard time in his life - his brother (also a diabetic) had a heart attack and a heart bypass operation just 6 months ago. M also had a car crash that left him with a back injury 3 years ago, and his last relationship ended when he caught his girlfriend kicking his dog. He tells me he then shouted at her - and in retaliation she went for him with a knife, leaving him with scars on his arms and legs.And last week he had a lot of trouble with the builder building his extension - the man was being lazy, so he sacked him, and in retaliation the builder broke some of his windows.Scary stuff, huh? But the ironic thing is that he is the first man I have ever felt really attracted to. He is cheeky, muscular, sexy, has a wonderful laugh and sense of humour - and he says I am "irresistable" and "gorgeous". When together, we tend to laugh quite a bit. We do have some things in common, but I also think we could have more if given the chance.But - on date number four he told me that he was "probably dying" "and "will have to go through the same his brother did" He became very serious with me when telling me about serious health complications that can come with diabetes. I listened patiently - I haven't told him, but I have been reading up about diabetes a lot as well as asking him questions. But even after all, I am still very much wanting to be with him. (Frankly I think he is being a bit too pessimistic! If life is short as he thinks, then what's he doing wasting time moping about it?)He is 39 years old, is still single and has no kids - and he admitted that his feelings about his diabetes may be the reason why he was still single. His father was also a diabetic, and he died 8 years ago through cancer - my guess he was only in his fifties.M and I have been out on 5 dates now, but just as it was getting more serious (I was very nervous, but managed to help him masturbate) and I was getting more attached to him he has seemed to trail off chasing me - he used to be so keen to talk to me on Messenger, and send me emails, but now he seems to have stopped that altogether. We have only seen each other at work this week, and not much else.On date four he asked me if I wanted to make love to him - I said yes, (definitely) but was honest in telling him I wasn't on the pill and would need to see the doctor to get this sorted out first. Now I am wondering if he is having second thoughts and trying to scare me off with his serious talk - or am I just getting obsessive and paranoid due to my last boyfriend losing interest in the same way?Or are the troubles with the builder weighing on his mind too much, and should I give him more space? Or is he worried that I am not strong enough to deal with what he sees as his problems?If anyone can help me, or give their opinion on this ramble of mine I would be very, very grateful to you!Thank you.xx T xx
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reader, Horseshowmama +, writes (10 May 2005):
I think your guy may have another problem other than the ones you mentioned. Sounds like a textbook case of Depression. He sees you, a young vibrant woman full of life and he thinks, what has he got to offer you. He may be bringing up the sex issues to see your reaction. Do some studing up on Diabetes and back injuries, your bo may be impotent. He may be questioning you to see if sex is an issue with you. Your guy may be falling in love with you and maybe he thinks you deserve better than he can give you. The age difference is not a factor, I have known several couples who have had long lasting relationships.Give your guy some space. Remember the old cliche "if you love someone set it free>>>>>>etc. Good Luck to you.
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reader, miss dizzy +, writes (8 May 2005):
It seems to me that he's dragging you down with him. If he was really into you he wouldn't keep talking about the bad things that happened in his life. He's not the only person in the world who has bad things happen to them. He just wants sympathy!This guy sounds like bad news! Move on and stop wasting your time on him. You're young and will find somoone else soon. You don't need an old man dragging you down and cramping your style.
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