A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel out with a mate a while back and have only just got the courage to talk to him again after wieghing up the pros n cons of the options. We basically fell out because he treated me different from the rest and hardly spoke to me and then i recently found out after everything he was making more out of situations and moaning about me and telling his friends and me which really freaked me out. But it was as if he had a problem wiht me or just was negative towards me. if someone said something silly he would laugh, if i did he would just shake his head.I didnt speak to him for 4 weeks, prior to this we argued which was via text he made it quite clear he didnt seem to care as he just stopped replying, this confused me because one minute he said hes the one in the wrong and its best we go our seperate ways then when i asked what the problem was he said he didnt want to us to fall out but what else could we do? So as i say i stopped talking to him.Ive known him 3 years and i know he just gets on with things so i knew there was no chance he would speak to me first unless we accidently ran into each other. But a part of me still thinks if he cared he would, but thats not him. He hates confrontation.Anyway i messaged him the other day and asked how he was(that is all)just as a test to see if he will reply to me and he did. Now a part of me thinks if he really didnt care and didnt want anything to do with me he wouldnt of replied.Im not sure where to go from here. I doubt i'll get an answer from him as to why hes done this and why he seems to care but does this, but i want to know, after all this time i deserve to and i cant go on like this. But at the same time i don;t want to just start talking to him as if nothings happened(which is how he seemed to be when i messaged him) as that will get me no where.I do want to sort this as we have been through abit together, we were once good friends, dispite his communication problem with me and the most awkward thing is, is that we have the same friends therefore we WILL end up running into each other, and we also live near each other. I dont want to seem like im running back but i want to sort this. What should my next step be? I feel really stuck. I want answers from him but why wont he just give them me. If he doesnt want to be friends why cant he just tell me, wont make anything worse for him. Please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ven  +, writes (17 October 2010):
AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Okay, got that warning scream out there.
You sound like a very mature person for your age. I am sure you are smart enough to realize that you don't want to get caught up trying to read too much into text messages, phone calls, and status updates.
The man wants space; give him space. As you said, the two of you will run into each other. Often it is the 'trying to settle disputes right now' that keeps them festering for a long time. Let him do his thing, and he will decide when he is ready to talk to you and sort it all out.
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