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Does my ex really love his new girlfriend?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 28 November 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *ngelxEyes writes:

Ok, well I'm new here. 6 months ago my heart was broken by a man I loved with all my heart. We had been arguing a bit more than usual, but we always got through it and he was as loving as ever, so it was a real surprise when he left me saying he didn't love me anymore. Anyway, we've pretty much been friends since then, but only speak online, always with him initiating the conversation. He's had so many crushes since then I just can't count and has now been with his third girlfriend for 3 months.

The thing is, she used him once before, played him and hurt him and he told me he hated her. He insulted her countless times too. But now all he ever goes on about is how much he loves her. He posts it all over his profiles on any online accounts he has, he takes pictures of them together all the time, posts them online and mostly talks to me as soon as he has, almost as if he wants to make sure I've seen them. All this love and affection in just 3 months. We were together for 15 months, and though he was loving and affectionate he never broadcasted it for everyone to see and neither did I, because we were both secure about how we felt about each other and didn't see the point.

He is confusing me so much. I have actually cut off contact in the last few hours, though I didn't inform him of this, because I can't stand to see him going on and on about his love for her. He has said to me that no one could ever replace me, though I don't understand what he means. Hasn't she already taken my place? Also, when I was showing him my newborn nephew via webcam recently, he commented that he would love to have a child. I suggested he ask his girlfriend, to which he responded "Can't I have one with you instead?". I chose to ignore that, but he went on to say I'd be an amazing mother, if my children took after me, they'd be absolutely stunning and that he'd be happy to have children with me. But later that same day, he said that he loved me in a sisterly way. It just made no sense!

My question is, does he really love this new girlfriend? If so, why does he have to tell absolutely everyone when he never did with me? Did I not mean as much to him as she does? And if he has moved on and no longer loves me, why does he need to stay in contact with me and know every little detail of my life? Please don't be too harsh, I'm still hurting a lot.

View related questions: crush, my ex

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A female reader, ladygagafan95 United States +, writes (28 November 2009):

From what you have told me about him, he sounds like nothing more than a player and someone who marks girls off his list all the time. I understand completely how you feel because I went through the same thing. So me and this guy were sort of going out and ever since he "moved on" he's dated like 5 or 6 girls. Every girl he's dating since he tells me how much he loves each one of them and then like a couple of weeks or so later he's dating someone else. So this guy in my opinion, I think he doesn't have any sense what "true love" is because he can't seem to settle down with one person. But your pain will heal in time and one day you'll meet someone so much better. :)

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2009):

Sweet-thing agony auntHe's young and immature. Yes he probably does love her, but three weeks from now, he may love someone else just as much. You are smart to cut off communication with him because it's going to be impossible to be friends without being deeply hurt by his behavior.

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A male reader, IamSoConfused United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2009):

He is using her to try and make you jealous but you already knew that.

He is possibly angry at you (I don't know the situation) and is using her against you because he has "moved on" and you haven't and is sticking it in your face when he really hasn't obviously because of his comments. He still wants you even if he won't admit it to you or himself.

The best move would be to ignore him as you have been doing and if he really wants to get with you he will initiate it with you and break up with her for you.

Don't be string along however in case it doesn't work with her. Don't be the safety-net for their relationship.

Good luck :)

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