A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm worried my boyfriend thinks i'm fat. We're about the same height and he's quite a skinny guy. i'm 5"7 and weigh about 162lbs... i know that since we've got together i've put on a little weight -mainly on my belly, and i do feel a little self conscious about it. Whenever i say anything to my boyfriend about my weight he either doesn't say anything or tells me to join a gym and do something about it if i feel unhappy. I have joined a gym and he sometimes comes with me, he's always encouraging me to go and when sometimes i'm just not in the mood i feel like i'm disappointing him. I'm starting to wonder if he's encouraging me because he does want me to lose weight. I know he's not the sort of person to give out compliments if he feels like thats what someone is fishing for, but is it too much to ask that he give me a bit of reassurance?? He has said to me before that likes me curves and that he loves me, and he always calls me beautiful. I know that he loves me but i just want to feel confident that he finds me sexy and attractive too. What should i do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 May 2015):
 I think he is disappointed, NOT that you aren't loosing weight, but that you are not putting the EFFORT and work into making YOU happy. That you are making yourself MORE unhappy.
I think your BF is a good guy. He told you to join a gym if YOU weren't happy. You took that as a "he thinks I'm fat and should go to the gym!" which is ENTIRELY wrong. He WANTS you to BE happy WITH yourself. He knows (because you have told him) that you ARE unhappy with your weight, so he (like a TYPICAL DUDE) offers you a solutions.. Go to the gym!! He even goes WITH you occasionally! THAT is a GOOD guy!
If he isn't a guy who throws out compliments, then THAT is who he is... BUT you could tell him that it would HELP you feel more MOTIVATED if he could help out with some verbal reassurance. Ultimately it HAS to come from YOU really wanting to change what you DO NOT like.
I think you are putting a lot of expectations on HIM to "fix" YOUR insecurities, when the ONLY one who can REALLY fix them... ARE YOU.
He tells you he loves you, loves your curves and finds you beautiful and you.... DOUBT him over a little stomach flab?
Come on girl! Set a GOAL for YOURSELF. Let's say you want to hit 150 lbs. THEN go DO THAT, DO IT for YOU. Not for him, not for all the 90 lbs girls out there, but FOR you.
YOU are responsible for YOUR happiness. And if it means you need to lose some weight or tone that tummy to find your happy spot (with yourself) then GO for it. WHAT is stopping you? hint hint....(not your BF) it's YOU.
I gained a lot of weight after my 2nd and 3rd pregnancy. It was not a good thing. I really resented my body and then I started walking, then riding my bike and then going to the gym 6 days a week. I lost 65 lbs over 12 months. (gained some back after we moved, no gym around here, unfortunately). But I am getting back in the walk/bike riding daily again. NOT because I think my husband thinks I'm getting fat, but because I WANT to be happy in my own skin. Again.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 May 2015):
 I think skinny guys can just be as insecure. You are curvy so at least men can say they love curves. But for skinny guys, little good could be said about them, especially if they don't have muscles too. Body wise you two could be a mismatch but as far as sexiness goes, you are sexier than he is.
He's encouraging you to go to the gym because he thinks that's going to make you happy. When you are exercising you pump a lot of endorphins and you feel confident afterwards. You are born with your build and amount of fat cells. Losing weight is not as easy as people think.
Sexiness is also a mindset. It is a vibe you give out. A confident plus size model is sexier than a skinny model who has a lot of self criticism. You decide if you are sexy. Don't let anybody decide that for you. If you ask him questions you put him on the spot because you automatically assume fat means bad so he's not allowed to say it. People can have different perceptions as to what is fat. If they grew up with oversized parents and they are fat themselves, they would say you are just right. A skinny guy like him would think you are a little fat. You are who you are. Going to the gym can tone up your muscles but not everybody succeeds in losing weight. The most important thing is to be healthy. He is with you so that means he is attracted to you or at least accepts what you look like.
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