A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friend just told me that her husband had filed for divorce which I am really shocked by as they seemed to get on so well together. When she talked to me about the things that were happening that she didn't like in the relationship, it sounded like my current relationship and I just wanted your opinions on why many men act in this way to the women they supposedly love. So, here goes.....She told me that her and her husband had only had sex once since they got married 5 years ago, yet if she tried to initiate anything he would turn her down and she started to feel rejected.My boyfriend and I haven't had sex in 1 1/2 years yet he was very passionate to start with. When I have tried to initiate anything he has turned me down so I just don't bother anymore.My friend has said that since her husband filed for divorce she has met this guy that she meets up with for 'fun', presumably because she feels so sexually frustrated. I have to say that I feel like doing the same.She told me that her husband would never do anything she wanted to do socially. Mine is exactly the same. Why are many men so controlling like this? It always seems to me that relationships are mainly on men's terms and it is so frustrating for the woman in the relationship. We're not asking them to take knitting classes with us, or shopping or anything like that! We like the cinema, motor sports, going out for a drink, meals, music festivals etc which all get met with excuses as to why they can't go yet as soon as their male buddies arrange one of those things, they are all over it!!!Yet, talking to other friends, these problems seem to crop up time and time again in their relationships so why are lots of men like this?My boyfriend just says he wants me to be happy in the relationship which is nice of him, but when he rejects doing anything I want to do socially and then rejects me in bed how am I supposed to be happy in the relationship? My friends and I would be very keen to hear of some opinions and advice on why a vast majority of men are like this?I don't want to appear to be a man-basher because I love men - I just find this pattern recurring time and again and I want to understand what is going on for them!
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female
reader, anonymous157  +, writes (21 January 2010):
I believe that the main reason why people stop having sex in a relationship is because they are unhappy. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. We have been living together for a year. I don't feel like having sex with him, I feel repulsed at the thought of him touching me. Although I haven't cheated on him yet I do masturbate regularly. The reason why I don't feel like having sex with him is because I am not happy in this relationship. I also try to avoid hanging out with him and in general avoid his presence, because when I do see him I have to put up appearances. When I am with him I kiss him on the cheeks and am affectionate towards him. I know he loves me and cares about me, however, he does not want to marry me ever. Also, I am currently unemployed/student and he does not provide any monetary support to me. If we want to go out on a vacation or a nice place I am supposed to pay for at least my part. He is considerably rich and can easily afford to pay for me on our dates or for our vacations, but he never does. None of that makes me happy. I have always supported him when I had a job and been there for him and I feel he is not reciprocating it. Since I am not getting any unemployment benefits I am living with him for now, but the thought of having sex with him is just repulsive.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009): Hi,
I'm in a similar relationship as far as the lack of sex goes. We used to do it all the time and now I'm lucky if it happens once every 3 weeks!
We've only been together a year and a half and this has been happening for about a year. I've been chalking it up to his just having a low sex drive in comparison to mine, but we just got back from a 2 week holiday where we had sex every single day...sometimes twice! We also had it on on first night back home after the holiday and no more since then (over 2 weeks ago!)
I've tried not initiating and talking about it since it seems that my usual approach doesn't work and still no change. I've tried talking to him and gotten angry, sad, etc, but that usually results in sex later that evening -- like he's doing it because we fought and he feels like he has to - and then nothing for weeks again. I don't want to keep making it a big issue and talking and arguing about it because I feel it will just add to the problem and make sex even less enjoyable for him, but I don't know what else to do!
I'm very open sexually and he knows that I'm up for anything and that I am extremely attracted to him -- I make that quite clear ;) And he is affectionate in terms of hugs, kisses, caresses and is incredible to me otherwise...but the sex or lack of it is a problem.
We're starting to plan our wedding and I'm not sure if I should put that on hold in hopes of the sex issues resolving?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): you're seriously telling me that you've had a reoccuring theme of men NOT wanting sex? I've never been in a relationship like that.. it's always me goin "easy tiger.. it happened FIVE MINUTES AGO.. let me pee at least!"
I don't think this is all men and although you don't mean to, you do come off a manbasher lol. Prehaps it's the men you find yourself being with. Prehaps you haven't found your "type" yet. Be grateful that you haven't found the type who will n ever get enough sex and will cheat on you. I've encoutnered that sort of man many more times than the kind that you describe. We cannot categorize men to all be the same. Were I a man, i would take offense. I think you need to go man-hunting and find your suitor dear!
~Sy.
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (26 July 2009):
Eh, i'm a guy who definitely hates doing the socializing that my wife wants to do. That being said, i do try to compromise with her alot... I won't go do EVERYTHING she wants to, but i do try to go to more then i don't...I do this because i DO love her.I find i just can't relate to the people she is trying to get me to relate to.. In my instance, i think i'm stuck in kind of that purgatory between growing up and getting out of the college years and fully embracing "the married life"..Being new to this lifestyle, i really have no basis to be able to talk to these other men and women that she wants me to. I usually find i just grab a drink and sit off in a corner and count down the seconds till she says "we better get home to the kids".That being said, even at my lowest point of sexual interest in the relationship, we were still having sex at least 1 time every 2 weeks..(Nowadays we have it back up to once a week)If i had lowered to the numbers that are being spoken of here, i'm positive that either myself or my spouse would have quit on the relationship and had an affair!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): Hi everyone, I am the original poster of the question. justverysad - is there anything your girlfriend could do that would make you desire her again? I suspect my boyfriend doesn't fancy me at all because of the lack of sex, and maybe doesn't even love me yet I question why he still contacts me if that is the case. Maybe my bf feels like you - that breaking up with me would ruin my life, but believe me it wouldn't as I have been through far worse and come out the other side.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009): It's not just a man thing. When I read your post it could have been the story of my life, but with the roles reversed. The wife showed absolutely no interest in sex after the children were born, and wasn't even interested in snogging. And she didn't really want to do anything with me - she didn't want to go to the pictures, go out to restaurants (we went once in 15 years!), or go dancing.
So she had no interest in sex or fun, just staying at home and watching soaps.
This is one of the most common problems that comes up on these boards.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (26 July 2009):
 Sex is a really important part of any relationship, along with trust and friendship xx
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