A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a potential problem on my hands... I hope someone on here can help! I have been friends with a guy for about two years. We get on really great and to be honest, I don't know what I would do without him. I am not, however, sexually attracted to him. The problem is... I think he might be attracted to me and I'm not really sure what to do. We are colleagues, but we live quite far away from one another (we both commute from different places) so we don't really see each other outside of our place of work, although we meet regularly outside working hours and email back and forth daily. Other people have made comments pretty much since we first became friends, but I dismissed them as he has a girlfriend. Recently, though, I have started to wonder... his behaviour hasn't really changed, it is more that things I initially dismissed as him being interested in getting to know me are still there... like when we meet, we talk for hours and it is always me that tries to leave first. Even when we have said 'goodbye', he continues to try and talk to me,and sometimes follows me to keep up the conversation (he also does this when I say I am too busy to talk). His behaviour around me is also different when we are alone than when there are other people around. It almost like he doesn't want people to know how much time we spend talking to one another. He is my superior, so I figured that was why however, everyone knows we spend quite a lot of time together, so I can't think why he bothers to try and hide it! Also, he is really very attentive. More so than other friends and colleagues. He remembers absolutely everything about everything we have said to one another (he even managed to recall when we met word for word) and yet is always claiming he has a bad memory. He also very helpful, even when he is busy (although when he offers to help, he claims he is not busy... because we work to a similar schedule, I know this is a lie). The last two I always figured were just good qualities in a friend... but it is only me that seems to get this treatment (he has moaned about other people asking for help, forgets names and things he was supposed to do constantly and has even forgotten the day of the week). He claims to be 'tight' with money, but I don't think I have ever had to buy my own coffee/drink/lunch when we have met up. I have caught him looking at me when we are in a group (when someone else is talking)and if I tease him, he blushes. He also compliments me a lot (although his compliments are limited to my work, hence never raising my suspicions). I have to say, though... he actively avoids touching me. I have always found this odd, as we talk about really personal stuff... plus, I assumed that if you like someone you want to touch them, or at least don't mind. I have always used the last example as a counter-argument to my friends that have claimed he fancies me, but given how close we seem to be as friends, it seems odd to me now. Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but I have never had a friend (particularly a work friend) that behaves like this. As I said, I am not sexually attracted to him, but I do care for him and wouldn't want to lose him for anything in the world. I figure if I ask him outright and I am wrong, it doesn't matter and we will probably laugh about it, but if I am right... well, I don't know what I would say to him. Apart from anything else, he has a girlfriend and I definitely do not want to be accused of trying to steal another woman's man (I am not that kind of girl). My question is this: does it sound like he likes me more than a friend? If so, how do make it clear that this is not how I see him, but that I do care for him? Please help! Thank you :) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you are probably both right. I have trust issues with this sort of thing and I usually avoid becoming friends with males because of it. Thanks to both of you. I hope I can relax a bit now!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): If he does have a crush, he's certainly not acting on it. If he does have feelings more than friendship, then they are the type of feelings he has under control. He may find you attractive but it doesn't sound like he is doing anything inappropriate. At the end of the day, he has a girlfriend and he's not crossing the line. You are probably analysing it much more than he is!
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (4 February 2012):
 Sounds like maybe he likes you but is unaware that it's showing through. Unless his behavior is irritating or creepy, don't comment on it. He doesn't seem to be behaving inappropriately and he has a girlfriend, so unless he asks you out or something, I'd just assume he considers you a really good friend.
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