A
female
age
30-35,
*essica8994
writes:When my boyfriend and I first started talking to each other, before we had any titles or anything, he invited me to a party at his friends house. It was going to be the first night we spent together so I was pretty excited. I invited my good friend and her boyfriend. We were all having fun but unfortunately my guy got too drunk and the last I saw of him he was running upstairs to throw up and passed out. Now I was just left with my two friends and his apparent "best friend" at the best friends house. Everyone else had left. We went outside to go to jack in the box and I noticed his friend was coming on to me but initially I thought it was a joke. I mean come on I came here with your "best friend/brother" I just didn't think he was serious. We continued drinking and it got worse and worse. I had to throw up so I went to the bathroom and closed the door. I was sitting on the floor feeling terrible when I noticed his friend was in the bath room with me. I'm puking in the toilet and he started touching me all over putting his hand up my shirt and down my pants. I was finished throwing up so I went to talk to my friend who wanted to leave. She told me she didn't want to leave me there with this guy cuz he obviously wanted to have sex with me but I felt bad since I never said anything to the guy I showed up with. I told her it was fine I would just sleep on the couch and would call her if I needed anything. Once she left I asked where my man was and his friend said he was upstairs sleeping and I can't go up there. So I laid on the couch with my back to him and went to sleep. I was so uncomfortable when I woke up. The guy I showed up with came down to say he was sorry and I really struggled with myself if I should tell him what had happened the night before. I thought to myself I would want to know if my friend was shady so I told him. His answer truly shocked me. He said his friend always does that and he really didn't seem that upset. We have now been officially together for almost a year and we live together. I'm still so bothered his "friend" violated me like that and he never said anything about it. He tells me since we weren't official, we had only been talking for a week, he doesn't think it is necessary. I wonder to myself if I'm over reacting because it still to this day really bothers me. He tells me he doesn't talk to that guy anymore but I see them texting each other every once in awhile as if nothing is wrong. So my question is, am I over reacting? Does it matter he never said anything to his creepy friend on my behalf?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): For me, yes, it would matter that he wasn't upset about it, you went there with him as his date and he should be protective of you. The fact that he hangs around with men who do this type of thing says a lot about him. If I were in that situation I would have left immediately leaving the drunken bf to be and his creepy friend to each other.
I think you need to take a long look at your life and stop hanging around with such low lifes, stop drinking to the point that you throw up and exposing yourself to weirdos who do this kind of thing. This behavior is not ok- you have to stop it in its tracks and hang around with people who have better character.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): I don't think you're overreacting to the event, it was pretty much an assault and the guy is disgusting.
I think expecting a guy you were only barely seeing for a week, who was passed out at the time to do something about it is a bit much though.
This is something you needed to sort out, it's not fair for you to put this on your now boyfriend. If you didn't want to charge him with this then you should have at least confronted him about it yourself. It was nothing to do with the guy you arrived with who ended up falling asleep because he was too drunk.
OP your boyfriend is not responsible for dealing with something that happened when you barely even knew each other and as such he can't fight that battle for you.
It would have been a different story if you were official but frankly you were fair game still to be come onto, though definitely not molested by a disgusting wanker.
Besides, creepy guy and the others there may have a very different version of events that night that might even say you were responding to his flirting or something. Doesn't make it right, but it gives it another layer as to why it's not your boyfriend's issue to deal with.
In all the years I've been with my wife I've had to come to her defence plenty of times, sometimes fists involved too, but I don't fight all her battles for her. If she has shit with someone at work, she needs to deal with that. If a dude came on too strong while we weren't together then that's something she should have dealt with at the time. I'd give her every support but something like that she wouldn't ask me to step in. She'd have confronted him herself, if it was enough of a violation she'd press charges. I once saw her (and maybe helped a little) shave off a guy's eyebrows because he was being a dick to her while wasted drunk, took rejection by her very badly. We were only friends at the time and it was all verbal jostling and I didn't step in because she wasn't out of her depth.
Guys who tried that when she was mine? Well they got a very painful reaction from me.
OP you're acting like you were official when this happened, you're acting like your side of the story is the only one he knows.
If this is such a big issue for you then by all means you can still confront the friend. I hate saying this as it's manipulative but depending on that friends reaction to you confronting him then maybe your boyfriend will have an issue to take up with him.
Who knows though, OP, that friend may apologise to you, him being sorry may be enough for you to put this issue to bed and I said if he tries to be a cunt about it and your boyfriend doesn't step in, then you know he doesn't have your back.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 August 2014):
 Was the creepy gropy friend drunk too?
If so it "might" excuse his behavior a little bit, however, I would not expect your BF to stand up for you and tell this guy it was a disgusting thing to do, I WOULD tell the douche-lord myself. (I would tell him in no small words how intrusive, how rude, and how INAPPROPRIATE his behavior was. And if he EVER does anything like that again he is going to get a knee in the nuts.
LEARN to stand up for yourself. YOU were the one who was violated. TRust me, SET yourself free by telling this guy what a freaking disgusting creep he was.
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