A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend has told me he loves me in the past. he said it first, in fact, partly because i expressly didn't want to be the first, in case it might make him feel pressured to say it. that was almost a year ago. now, i pretty much feel comfortable telling him i love him whenever i feel like it. sometimes he says it back and sometimes he doesn't - i don't think there's every any pressure one way or the other, and since he sometimes doesn't, i assume he doesn't feel pressure.my question is: does it matter that he never tells me he loves me on his own anymore? i mean, he never just volunteers it, the way i would.he's not a very expressive guy, to be honest - it was only after several months of knowing him that i discovered how emotional he really is, even though on the surface, he always appears so stoic. even so ... do you think his silence says something about his feelings for me, or about how he feels in our relationship? i could ask him, but that's not the kind of thing you can really expect someone to be able to give a real answer to - it puts them too much 'on the spot'. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (23 March 2007):
Some men think that they dont have to tell you because you already know. I dont think its such a big deal to just ask if hes happy in your relationship. Its not about putting him on the spot, just approach him at a time when you are both relaxed together. If he says he is happy, with the relationship and you, just ask if loves you. And if he does, say, could you tell me a bit more. If your calm about the whole thing and dont make it out to be a big issue, he should not feel threatend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2007): Hi There,
I know exactly how you feel as I was in the same situation. The difference with me, was that I am a guy and well, she is a she.
To answer your question about whether or not it matters that he doesn't spontaneously say that he loves you is that YES it does matter.
It matters because it matters to you. If you feel that you are not getting the reassurance that you require to feel confortable/wanted/loved/etc. then you need to be open and honest with him about this. Don't bring it up in an argument or any sort of altercation and especially don't bring it up as an issue immediately after you tell him that you love him (assuming he doesn't respond). Bring it up as something that concerns you and make sure that it is about you, and not him. It is not his "fault" that you need to hear the words "I love you" from him, but if you let him know that you like hearing them then maybe he will understand and make an effort. I am not a believer in the honeymoon period lasting forever, or the illusion that relationships go along without sincere communication and understanding of each others needs. I sincerely believe that if he cares for you, then being open and honest about your needs emotionally (just as most of us are physically) will work.
...............................
|
