| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Does he want to look at naked women and feels that I'm not allowing him to?I've never told him he can't look at naked women, however, he knows I have body image issues and knows it makes me uncomfortable to see how many images of perfection are displayed constantly in the media. But I have never told him you can't do this or that. He just knows it makes me uncomfortable, ONLY if I know he's done it. What I can't see doesn't hurt me.Yesterday on TV they were annoncing "The Full Monty" on this channel, and I told him how my mom loves that film and has told me I should watch it. He then commented on this weird, annoyed tone: "Oh right, you can watch The Full Monty but I can't look at girls". I told him I've never said that and that besides I wasn't sure I'd watch it and they were normal looking men and it was a funny movie, different from the airbrushed perfect "boobs-on-a-stick" kind of girls.I want to know if he wants to look at these girls, if so, to reach an agreement. I don't want him to feel like he has to stop doing things just for the sake of me! I can "let" him and just grin and bear it if it makes him happy. The problem is that I can't talk to him about it, because he'll just turn it into a fight!Let me explain, I know that if I bring up this subject, in the most "I care about you" attitude and the least accusatory way, he'll still think I'm nagging. It seems if I just mention the words "naked girls" he instantly thinks I'm nagging and digging up an innecessary fight! I know it's better to avoid that conversation altogether because he'll think I'm nagging and being insecure again.Now, that comment he made last night still lingers. Does it mean he'd be happier if he ogled perfect naked women? Of course I wouldn't like it, but if he wanted to ogle, I'd just shut up and let him. I just want him to be happy, you know, and I think my insecurities aren't as important as him feeling frustrated and controlled. I rather feel insecure than like he feels I'm a controlling witch. He's free to do whatever, I haven't forbidden anything anyway, but still, I want him to have that clear.(Off topic: And, what do you think, is watching 'The Full Monty' the same as ogling these kind of girls?)
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (28 July 2008):
Well, it's just a fact: men like to look at naked women. He likes to look at fake chicks, normal chicks...and SURPRISE I'm sure he likes to see you naked. The more you tell him not to look at naked women, the more he's going to. I know you said that you "let" him, but he knows that you're insecure about it.
Unless he has a serious problem. Like he's addicted to porn, then I'd have an issue. When I was in your age group, I was definitely worried about the same things. I felt insecure that my boyfriend liked to look at other naked girls. But as I've gotten older, I've accepted the fact that looking at naked women really means nothing. They're just looking.
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