A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm not quite sure how to do this, or how to say it for that matter. I've recently got a boyfriend. We're similar and yet different. We're both athletes, both love the same kind of music, grew up in slightly similar situations, both have dated before, but here is where we have a problem. We've kissed but when he kisses me his arms aren't around me or nothing, we're in almost every class together, weird right? But convenient. He's quiet, which I am too kinda. He's a gentleman, believe me, he's so shy. I love him, and I get along with his friends, that's another thing, we both have weird friends bordering on insane, he is a bit withdrawn towards my friends though, but he has his reasons, we are weird.Here's the thing, I want to kiss him and really kiss him you know? His older brother keeps butting in though. Our first date was a double date with his brother and his girlfriend tagging along. His brother dared us to kiss for two minutes. (here's the thing we were sitting half a room away from my parents who said they had to come if I would go) I knew my dad would kill him if he saw us kissing so I told his brother and his date, you first. They did. We were stuck, so I explained and pointed my dad out who had his hand in his inside coat pocket (to scare me into behaving, he threatened to bring his guns with him, yes he's one of those "protect my little girl types" as my boyfriend kindly put it when I explained) Then my dad got distracted by the birthday party that filed in and blocked us from view. My boyfriend didn't notice that, neither did his brother or his girlfriend. (I've always been the type to uh "leap without looking" as my best friend says) That's just what I did, brought my hand down on the table to get his brother's attention, turned to my boyfriend and kissed him. His brother burst out laughing saying "she just manhandled you!" I'm gonna sound completely naive like I lived under a rock but I didn't know what was so funny, or why both of us were blushing so hard, or why his brother had to laugh so much. All I knew was that my boyfriend's arm was around me and that he didn't really seem to kiss me back.Does he want to kiss me? Why doesn't he kiss me back? How can I understand what he's thinking?At school he's kissed me maybe four times a day average over the last week. But he never puts his arms around me, or presses me against him, or hugs me. It could be due to the fact we've got heavy backpacks loading us down, but I don't think so. I'm worried, I don't know why. The rest of our relationships is normal I think, we talk, laugh, and I don't really know. All I know is my heart has never beat this fast, and I know I sound like a hormone crazed boy-crazy teenager, but I don't think I am, maybe you could help me clear that up. I know we don't exactly have a normal relationship though. I mentioned we were both athletes, he's a more passive athlete (meaning he's trying to lose a few lbs)I've been swimming since I could walk, I've always been a tom boy recently started wearing dresses, etc. I'm stronger than him and we both know it he says he's ok with it, but am I coming on too strong? He knows I'm not exactly a good girl, I get into actual fist fights with girls and guys. Here's the thing, his friends didn't think I was that strong, I dropped three of them because he told me I could.Is this going to affect our relationship, I mean I know a woman will almost always lose out to a man in strength, but I'm still stronger than him for now.Am I too pushy? How do I know what he expects of me? I just really need help, I'd appreciate if you'd give it a shot.
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best friend, kissing, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (21 March 2010):
 He's shy and maybe a little intimidated. Yeh its a short answer, but you really are over-thinking the issue. Seriously, just go for it when you're alone... not when he's self conscious with his brother there watching. I'd be uncomfortable in that situation for sure. He'll relax and be more likely to kiss you the way you want to be kissed if YOU kiss him that way more often, and in private. No more double dates...
Best of luck :)
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