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Does he want to hook up or date?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Friends, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2013) 1 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2013)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So I've been casually talking to this guy for a few years that has consistently asked to meet me and not just webcam and phonecall. I have a boyfriend that I've been thinking about breaking up with for quite a while now, so I asked him for advice and he basically suggested that I should break with him so that we could finally meet up without me feeling guilty about my boyfriend. He then tried to invite himself to my house - I said no. I have an extremely uncomplimentary boyfriend and this guy showered me with praise and made me feel good, but then he basically asked for a hook up. I'm tempted to break up with my boyfriend and hook up because there is simply no sex or feeling-good in my current relationship, but is that a terrible thing to do? I feel guilty about it. What does this guy want? Should I ask if he wants to date first/have a relationship?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (15 July 2013):

Ciar agony auntHe wants a hook up. OP, save yourself the headache and don't even bother asking him. He'll only tell you whatever he thinks will get him what he wants.

And next time, don't lament to another guy about your problems, boyfriend problems or otherwise, especially when you suspect said guy has an agenda, as this one clearly does. By doing so, you reveal yourself to be cheap and disloyal. If you need to bend someone's ear, pick a female friend or relative.

Self respect comes from doing what is right, not what feels good in the moment. Your guilt is trying to tell you that you're venturing into unsafe waters. Listen to it.

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