A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 12 years. In the last year my husband and I have been going through hard times. I told him in Feb after a trainful of resentment and frustration over his lack of communication and lies that I wanted to seperate. That was very hard for me, I told him I was lonely and wanted him to know what it would be like without me since I have asked him forever to give me the few things I needed: 1. To talk to about everything as a couple 2.Get validation if I share something with him that bothers me or makes me proud.3. Stop lying to me when I already know the truth. Well it was hard to commit to the seperation. I really had no where to go, but I pulled back. Stopped doing his laundry, paying is bills and would take days that were My days away from him and the kids. But in all we still had sex occasionally would go out to dinner with kids, even spend weekends on the boat as a family. We did not however do our normal family vacation, and I stopped inviting him to do things with my family and friends. After the summer I was away for work for 2 weeks. When I returned I found out he met a woman and brought her to the house to hang out. After I told him he had no business bringing her here or not telling me about her i diplomatically said I know you have felt lonely and like I pushed you away but instead of working on the relationship, you decided to get an ego trip from another girl? I guess that means I get to date too? Ok just one date since that is technically what you did.Well a day later I found out he spent all night with her at a coffee shop and I kicked him out. I said its one thing to mess up and apologize, but to do it again makes me look like a fool. We went back and forth arguing for a month. He moved back in because he started going out alot. Then he started hiding his phone all the time. A few weeks ago I was tired of wondering, soo I checked his phone log and found out he ws talking to a new women for the past month. He says I am jealous and that he is never allowed to have any female friends even though I have a ton of guy friends. My argument to that is, my friends have always welcomed him to activities I would share with them, Dinners, house parties etc. I dont trust him and he tells me he wants to make i work but my arguing about him talking to other women is pushing him away. Does he want out? Does he want to be caught because he wants me to end the marriage because he doesnt want to say it out loud? He says he loves me and to STOP THIS but he is not making me feel very secure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is actually great advise and very sound advice. When you used the word "Transparent" it was like I was hearing myself. I have used that term with him several times. I think the hardest thing to try and do is to get the other party, in this case my husband to do the things he should do. We are only in agreeance to Agree to Disagree on this subject of talking to other women. I guess I feel if I new the women and he included me in the friendships instead of hiding them, I would not feel so insecure about the situation. Thanks again!!!
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