A
female
age
36-40,
*atieh84
writes:I've been with a guy for the past 15 months and have recently (for the past 2 months or so) been a bit confused by his behavior. I should also mention that I am moving away in approximately a month, so this might be a factor. We are not in a relationship, under the conventional understanding, but instead we have essentially a booty call arrangement which has worked well for both of us, although we occasionally meet up at bars or parties. I know that before we met he was in the habit of hooking up with different girls about twice a month. Now, I am the only person he has sex with (although I did not require this from him, nor does he require it of me), perhaps it's because I made him get tested. Now to get to my question: recently he's been doing certain things that make me wonder if he wants something more than just the booty call arrangement. Aside from the little things (such as the fact that he likes to kiss a lot first, when we used to just skip that part), here is a concrete example that really confuses me. During sex, I generally don't lock eyes (unless it's someone I'm in love with, etc.), because I don't like the intense feelings. The other night, however, he turned my head twice to get me to look him in the eyes, and I wasn't really sure what to do. I know that eye contact during sex is supposed to mean different things for men and women, so what is the significance from a guy's perspective, if any, of the fact that he intentionally turned my head to make eye contact? Maybe it doesn't mean anything, but I find it odd that he's never done it before, and would like to understand it better. Also, I don't know if the fact that we've been seeing each other for 15 months has any relevance--I have heard that it is much easier for girls to develop feelings for sexual partners, but perhaps a guy might tend to develop feelings after that long? Any insight/advice would be great, thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): Pick up the book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man".
Most men never elevate booty call girls to girlfriend status. Him turning your head just seems like a control thing in bed, he wants to see you turned on by him would be my guess, but your best answer would come from him.
Why are you asking these questions? It seems to me that you are the one developing feelings. Although after 15 months he may like you, he is not changing the relationship in any way or moving it forward, that is all the proof you need of his intentions, of his feelings.
How do you know you are the only one he has sex with? A guy like this probably has a whole string of tavern whores that will let him pop in spend 20 minutes having some sexual activity and then leaving to go to house number two.
Don't be naive.
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