A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HELP - What is happening here?- I am confused! - I have been seeing this guy who is quite unreliable - eg he says he will ring then doesn't - he says he will meet then can't... etc etc.As well as this I am sure he still sees his ex too!I have him asked if he wants me to give him space to get back with his ex and he always says no.Anyway, what I am confused about - is whether this guy is purposely treating me bad so I can finish with him? Plus - If a guy wants to finish with you - would he do it in a way that would end up with you finishing with him? Also, if this is the case why doesn't he say this when asked about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Ok - we could ponder all day and night about why, whether, what etc. Bottom line? You are not happy with the way he is treating you and YOU find it unacceptable. I don't blame you!!! You are hanging on to see if he calls.... hoping he gets back to you. Obviously you like him but he is controlling you - he is not attentive, is possibly using you or is a coward. Sounds great. Best thing to do is not respond to him or not chase him or anything - even if he calls. If he is really keen he will keep on calling. If not? You have your answer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Thank you for your answer - I have only been seeing him a few months and don't want anything too serious - but I just wish he would respect me as much as I respect him. If I knew he still wanted me I would give it a go but I just don't know if he still wants me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Beware of this guy. He wants things on his terms, to see you when it suits him etc .. He may be seeing his ex, he may not. The fact that he is unreliable is a big warning sign of how he may treat you later on if you stay with him. Think about what you want, not what he wants. He sounds very similar to my ex partner (who also used to insist he did not want space to get back with his ex) and we ended up staying together for 5 yrs but he treated me badly including walking out on me whilst I was unwell. You don't say how long you have been seeing him. Are you happy with a casual relationship with cancellations and unreliable phone call habits?? This is not the behaviour of a balanced gentleman it does not bode well (I think). Yes some guys do provoke their GFs into dumping them but in his case, I think he wants to have his cake and eat it .. ie keep you around but at HIS convenience, including cancelling when he feels like it (does he give enough notice and good reason for cancelling?) whilst still having his own life, whatever that is, whether it is seeing his ex, his friends, or just having his own time and not making effort for anyone unless it suits him. I would be wary of him. if you do stay with him you could be in for an on/off roller coaster ride that could really hurt you. It depends what you want from a relationship right now I guess. He is being very arrogant I think - he is basically expecting you to put up with the way he is. Not sure if this is any help but I hope it helps you to think about what you want and not focus so much on what he wants. I am sure you could do a lot better than a guy who is unreliable & who frankly, sounds a bit shifty! (sorry!) You have come on here to ask for advice because you care I guess .. does he care that you are worried .. is he worried? probably not! probably busy doing his own thing! So just be careful not to get hurt cos it's not a nice feeling and you deserve better. I have found out the hard way that life is too short to waste on men who are unreliable and not up front about their intentions and circumstances etc :) x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Thanks - I know I am being used and really should break up with him - but I honestly can't tell if he really does have feelings for me - he says he does - but all the signs show he doesn't!
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