A
female
age
36-40,
*ngel14
writes:i had a relationship with a man that was at the point of engagement. while there were some communication issues to be worked out, he left the relationship before sorting anything. now that we are apart, he does not want to be together and won't talk to me, but stalks me online and uses this information to even go near me (without talking to me) in public places. if he doesn't want to be with me, why does he stalk me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 February 2014):
 I don't think you should have to re-shuffle your life because HE doesn't want to date you. Specially if you don't feel worried about him.
The reason I put up the pay attention and stay safe is because I was stalked, and it WAS scary. Someone who starts to obsess with you to such an extend are not in their right mind.
You don't have to delete your Facebook (I'm sure you had friend & family on there whom you would like to still communicate with, just make sure you USE all the tools the website offers to keep him off your page. Now if he is also friends with people you have in common, you will just have to mind what you say online.
A
female
reader, angel14 +, writes (24 February 2014):
angel14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo don't have any friends in common that can do that really. .. it's a bit awkward because he's painted out to his friends that he's actually having nothing to do with me. HE has actually blocked me on FB, but he goes looking for me through other accounts. I've already deleted other social media I was using. So he tells his friends that he has taken all steps to move on, and only obsesses over me in secret. BUT I do know him, and so far I am really not scared of it. If it continues and appears to get out of hand then I will do something. But at this point I still haven't healed from the relationship ,and really wanted to know what other people thought about it. We were at the same church as well and I have since removed myself. It sucks because I feel like i'm having re-shuffle my life in a big way to make an overt attempt at getting over it, but all-the-while it's okay for him to stalk me in private. Ergh. Thank you for your advice agony aunts, it does help to make sure I keep it in perspective how weird it is.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (24 February 2014):
 It is really odd, and it's obsessional. If you're genuinely not scared - and you're the one here who know him - maybe don't involve the police at this stage but definitely take steps so he can't keep tabs on you online. Do you have a mutual friend who could speak to him and tell him to back off?
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A
female
reader, angel14 +, writes (24 February 2014):
angel14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I honestly haven't been feeling afraid of it. Just noted that it's really odd behaviour.
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A
female
reader, angel14 +, writes (24 February 2014):
angel14 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, thank you for your responses.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (24 February 2014):
This is creepy. His behaviour is that of a stalker. You clearly like him but will need to actually have a conversation regarding your feelings towards each other. Is his behaviour scaring you genuinely? If so you'll need to involve the authorities. But following you the way he does e.g online seems like infatuation on his part. Maybe the fantasy of you is better than the reality.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (23 February 2014):
Well OP, I have a very low tolerance threshold where harassment is concerned (been there) and if you're uncomfortable then contact the police ASAP and nip this in the bud. Giving a statement to the police is far less uncomfortable than you might imagine, and much less stressful than having a weird ex stalk you.
I'm wondering how he has access to your whereabouts via social media - at the very least, follow Honeypie's advise and change your privacy settings.
I don't know why he stalks you, but that's not really the point. The point is that he's acting weird, and you don't need a weirdo in your life. If he wanted to rekindle the relationship, and he was a normal and balanced individual, he'd go about it in a normal way that didn't involve stalking.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 February 2014):
Block his access so he can't CYBER stalk you. It's freaking creepy.
Why does he stalk you? Because even if HE didn't want to be with you, he still wants to keep taps on you and he doesn't want you dating someone else.
Stalkers can be quite dangerous, specially the ones you know.
I think you need to read up on stalking and do whatever you need to do to make yourself safer.
BLOCK him and DELETE him for ALL social websites, Change your phone number (easier the blocking him), don't post information that tell ANYONE where you are and what time, if you are making plans through social sites do it through the mail system, private messages. Check your privacy settings, change your password on your e-mail, Facebook, phone and so forth. Change your locks.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/what-is-stalking?gclid=CPjH-o7c4rwCFeg-MgodWm4AEQ
http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center
It ISN'T cute that he is stalking you.
If it keep happening you might want to consider going to the Police. They can also give you tips on how to stay safe.
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