A
female
age
41-50,
*amarillo
writes:My ex decided to ask for space out of the blue in Jan. I was devastated and went back home to NZ for a month. During that time he would keep in regular contact with me. This led me to believe that there was still hope that he wanted to resume things again so I headed back to the UK. He decided to that we should be friends for now and that maybe later on we can be together again. I pretty much asked for him to give it another chance but he refused point blank. I thought that would be the end of contact and that he would leave me alone. But the contact still continued..he kept referring me to my pet name. Just this recently I had to talk to him because he needed some contact details for a lawyer to help him with something to do with a dispute with his work place. I gave him those contacts and he thanked me for that. however i thought it was unecessary for him to contact me again by email to tell me he thankyou again and tell me hes gone to make an appointment with them. He phones me up on tuesday (today is Sunday) but i didn't answer my phone but leaves me a voicemail to say his mother would be in the news that day and if i was intersted i should watch it. Then thursday he sends me a quick email to say the lawyer sends his regards to my uncle (lawyer is a friend of my uncles ) and then asks how I am. So far I have not contacted him...so its been 7 days of no contact. My question is: Is he having second thoughts about the break up? What should I do? Do I continue with no contact?I am going to be in town tomorrow for an interview witha recruitment agency and as he is living in the area i am tempted to arrange a coffee with him. Do you think thats a good idea or not?I'm so totally confused right now Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tamarillo +, writes (20 April 2008):
Tamarillo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am moving back home to New Zealand for other reasons...for one thing i'm finding it hard to find a job int he UK due to my visa. At the time my ex knew that.
So i guess i should just forget about him? Ignore his contact? Never tell him that I'm heading back home for good?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): I see, for what ever reason this seems like a bad time for him to be in a serious relationship. I can't tell you what to do, but I would not move to another country to possibly get back with a guy who is not making any moves to do the same, in fact I wouldn't do it unless we had plans to marry.....this is not enough to plan your life around....don't do that to yourself. Having a man is so important as to give up your dreams or your family or your friends, love is not enough to keep you together, you need shared goals and a commitment, anything else is just a crap shoot.
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A
female
reader, Tamarillo +, writes (20 April 2008):
Tamarillo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat led to the break up apparently was that he was unhappy with everything..his job and his flatting situation. He said that he felt like he had to look after me ( but i don't need looking after as I have said to him and that I didn't expect him to either).
I am giving job hunt here in the UK another two weeks and then Im booking a ticket back home to New Zealand. Also I guess i've been in the UK because I thought he would change his mind but he hasn't at all really.
I haven't told him that I will be moving back home yet. Do you think I should give it another chance? In a way i've got nothing to lose I guess since I will be going back home.
I dont tell him what i've been up to in my life or my family as we are not together anymore though he seems to want to tell me what hes been up to etc for some reason.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): Well, you need to be unconfused so yes, arranging a coffee with him is fine. You have to decide what your goal is here. Do you want him back and if so why? What led to your break up?
If you want him back then keep things close to the vest for awhile....if he starts talking about the past, then listen but don't get into a deep discussion about it or start to argue with him. You might ask him why he broke up with you does he think it was the best thing to do?
He may just be keeping in contact with you because he misses having those details of your life....don't give them to him because he needs to miss you if you want him back. Let him work to get back in your life a little, don't be rude, don't stop answering the phone all together, but be a little vague about what you are up to, let him know about the exciting things you are doing and keep the conversations under 10 or 15 minutes....and see if his interest doesn't pick up.
If you don't want him back and just want closure then ask him why he is talking to you when he clearly ended your relationship 4 months ago? Try to get some closure and move on....don't assume there is a chance he is going to change his mind about you if he hasn't really done anything to prove that, start your new life, your new job and keep your eyes peeled for that next guy...hanging onto the past with this one, will keep you closed off to something new and better that will undoubtedly come along.
Take care and good luck with your new job.
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