A
female
age
51-59,
*carleto
writes:Hi,I met a guy through dating website. 3 weeks ago... I'm 40, divorced 5yrs with 2 children, only had 1 other partner for a couple of years which ended earlier this year. 1st 2 dates were fab and very intense. He has 2 ex's with 3 children between them and it is all very acrimonious. He recently had some trouble with his job and has had a lot of stress in the last year or so. He seems a bit distracted and run down and i dont know if i can be his emotional crutch as i need some support too. i'm wondering if he's really ready for a relationship.. i am, which is why i was on the dating site but not sure if he will give me what i need. The latest thing is that he asked me to come to lunch with him and his son(12) who is Autistic, i felt it was too early but he was quite insistent and against my own better judgement i went along. It was quite stressful because the guy kept wandering off to browse in shops leaving not only his son but me. This has really changed how i feel about seeing this guy, even though i still really like him when its just the 2 of us. Should i just tell him its too soon to start involving kids and that i'd like to just have some fun for now and see where it goes.??thanks for reading this,
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): Hi Scarketo
I can see how this has changed things and just with your thoughts etc, your not ready to bring children into the mix - yet in this relationship. I also don't think you should feel bad about that.
I also personally think that introducing children into a relationship that is so early in the scheme of things and may not be permanant, then there is not point or purpose to children being involved.
I would tell him you think that you would prefer your dates to be just the two of you at this stage, maybe you could discuss that you are not keen for him to be involved with your children and he may pick up the issue of his son.
Its only been three weeks! When I met my husband I didn't introduce him to my son for 6 months! I wanted to be sure that he was worthy of entering into my home life...
It will be hard to let him know this as he may think it has something to do with his autistic son, but irrespective of this situation - it is way too early in the relationship to add kids to the mix.
You also mentioned that he has had problems and stress at work. This to be honest is not your problem. Gee, three weeks and your involved already in his emotional wellbeing?
I think maybe you should consider if you need this? It sounds like you just want to get out there and have some adult, fun with no major dramas - AND THAT IS PERFECTLY FINE! Don't feel guilty about not wanting to be this involved. Your not obligated at this stage to share his life in the way it is heading.
Make sure, if you want to continue the relationship that your time with him is scheduled with no children... yours included. Too early in my opinion.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 I might introduce my kids to a new man at the 3 wk. point, but I wouldn't try to incorporate them into the relationship this soon. Kids can form attachments easily when thrown into social settings like this, especially when their own mother/father is a missing element in their lives. Then if the realationship falls flat on its face a couple of months later, they are crushed and often blame themselves. I think it's within your right as the 3-week girlfriend to tell him it's too soon. Good luck
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