A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm so worrid. Have dated a guy for a month now. And we have been on about 7 dates.. Really like him and he told me very early that he liked me very much! I told him I did to. we have been sleeping togheter 3 times, no sex, just kissing and cuddling. I want him very much and the same for him. The first time we spend the night togheter he said the he wanted us to wait, and I agreed. The second time he was making a move, but I wanted us to wait and he told me he liked me even better because of that. The 3 time we slept togheter he also was trying to make a move while we were kissing and stuff.. but I really want us to wait a little bit. I think he got upset. But the thing is that he has a lot to do in school and our dates has been very "busy". I would like us to feel that we know eachother well so that what we feel for eachother in the end is'nt based on sex. After i had rejected him he went over to sleep, and I said I hoped he would talk to me instead of sleeping right away. He said he was tired. I said I hoped he wasnt just with me for sex. He has not made any sign that he is just in for sex, so I know it was a stupid thing to say, and I think I said it more times. But I said it was because I was insecure. we talked a bit that night, and it seemed allright. But I dont know. I am really afraid that he thinks that I dont like him and want him, even though I believe that he SHOULD know this. I think I have made that clear when we have kissed and etc I have been very excited. The next day I got a text that he had a great time with me last night, just that he was a bit tired after a long week with a lot of school, and we could meet in the beginning of the week so that we could go to a resturant and do more than just sleeping togheter. I was glad, and actually I thought that I wanted to have sex with him after this date. But in the beginning of the week he told me he couldtnt see me because it had come up much to do in school (he is in med-school so I know there is a lot to do), and he told me he couldnt see me very much in the nearest future because of his exam coming up in 3 weeks. But that he absoultely wanted to see me, and that we could spend much time togheter in the summer. We just had to take it day by day.. I got a little upset, but said I understood. I even told him I got upset because i thought we could have sex that night:P he just laughed.. He said over and over (without me asking) that nothing had happen and we WOULD see eachother again and that this was not a goodbye. He said we could talk in the end of the week, but the end of the week is now and I havent heard from him:( What should i think? Is he thinking that I doesnt want him sexually and doesnt trust him because of what i said??? because i DO!!!!!!!! It's so frustrating:( Should I initiate contact? I think he should, beacause I sent him a text after our talk on the phone that i wanted him to know that I understand how much he has at school, but no answer:( It would be the sadest thing if he dumped me now because he thinks that I dont want to have sex with him, wich is all I really want. We are getting on very well in every way, and I regret so much that I didnt have sex with him because I really want to be with him and was thinking "tactical"..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): I think he lost interest because he felt you were giving mixed signals. Never sleep with a guy all night in your bed if you are not prepared to go the distance or it can come off like you are withholding sex to maneuver him into a relationship, too obvious. It's probably the worst thing you can do other than having sex on the first night.
There's nothing wrong with waiting and you should never settle for a guy who won't wait. Waiting is not putting yourself in a position where you are "mock" sleeping together though. Don't invite a guy to your bed and overnight if you are not ready or it comes off like a ploy. If you want to wait, build intimacy in small increments so he knows you mean it, have good boundaries, and aren't just withholding sex to get a commitment out of him.
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