A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi i have been with my boyfriend now for almost 1 year. he told me in the beginning that before he met me he had met a woman online, he used to travel once a month from one end of britain to the other to see her. this went on for 6 months and inbetween they would chat everynight online. They ended up having a son together and then they parted. He has been to see the baby once on his first birthday (he is now 2 years old) and has not been back. He sends a lump sum of money to the mother towards there childs keep every now and again.I was at his house last weekend and i was on his pc, and i saw that he still chats to the mother online as he keeps there conversations.I read some of them and they were all along the same lines, they would chat about when they were together and how good the sex was, he said that she was the best he ever had and that he had not met another like her.he also said that he wished they lived closer.reading further he said that he was not sure how he felt about me, and that if it was a choice of growing old and dating or staying with me he would choose me.he tells her his problems and that she is gorgeous and its hurting.i know there is an innocent baby involved here and he feels guilty that he does not see the baby although he has been told he can have access as and when he likes.i also know that they do not meet up as they live hundreds of miles away.can someone please make sense of this for me as its all still fresh for me and i need the help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): Well, it is what it is what you are reading there...it really seems to be based more on a fantasy than real life however...because they split and he hasn't made any effort to see her or the child.
What were you doing reading his chats, does he know you do this? I can understand reading them if there was a feeling something was going on, but do you think he will be angry with you for reading them without his knowing?
I would go ahead and tell him what you saw and maybe present it as that you weren't mistrusting but happened to come accross them and were shocked at what you read. Then ask him what he means by choosing you just because he doesn't want to stay single and telling her that she was the best sex he ever had and he wished they lived closer. Perhaps he meant he wish they were closer to see the child, and he is just flattering her ego for the most part to gain her favor? I don't know, you know him best, but it is going to bother you to death until you try and talk to him about it. Try not to get mad and listen to him until he is finished speaking as if he was saying something you liked to hear, try to respond back what you hear in a non-judgemental way so that he knows you heard him, and then state your feelings and see how it all pans out.
It sounds like it will be scarey place for you to be, but I think you know you need answers to put your mind at rest and tell him so. I don't have a way to make sense of it for you as that lies with him to do for you.....so get your courage up and talk to him and be prepared for anything.
I would not let it hurt your self esteem the things he is saying as it is him with the problems, not you. You sound like you are baggage free, so it probably has nothing to do with you or how gorgeous you are, he obviously likes you, he is with you no matter what his words are there on the screen.....so the question remains, what is he thinking doing that?
Take care.
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