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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been close friends with this guy for 7-8months now. He is early 20’s; I am older. He split up with his ex-girlfriend several months ago, although he said the relationship was over since middle of last year. He only told me about this recently. I knew he was having problems but didn’t want him to push him to tell me about whether he was still with his ex and what the situation was so I respected his privacy until he was ready to tell me. Problem is I am not entirely sure where I stand. In June, this guy and I kissed for the first time and only time so far, but he stopped it saying he couldn’t go on with the kissing because he was confused over his ex (he had been hoping to get back with her I think) and would be unfair to carry on. At this time, I did not know how recently they had split.A few days later he asked if I was dating anyone. I said I had. He looked upset and said he really liked me and was worried he would lose me to another guy while he got over his ex. Anyway, he became quite withdrawn for a few weeks and seemed to be constantly referring to me as his friend like he was trying to remind himself and me that is what we were and no more, but then he became abit happier again. He doesn’t seem to be so hooked up on his ex now and has been seeing her in a more realistic light rather than putting her on a pedestal like he had done. Then he asked me again last week if I was seeing anyone and when I said yes I had been dating people he looked upset and started saying that it wasn’t safe to meet men I didn’t know. When I left, he said ‘you need me as your boyfriend’. Well, we do tease each other alot, so half the time I don’t know whether to put some of his comments to teasing or whether he’s being serious. It seems that he does want me as his girlfriend but not yet. I have a feeling he is scared of rejection or shy because very often he will drop hints about things rather than ask me directly, so is this the case here or is he just asking me whether I am dating anyone as a friend would?I have told him quite categorically on several occasions that I will not be a ‘friends with benefits scenario’ because i want more than that and would get too attached. He says he is not into that either, but I am abit concerned that it could be headed that way if we aren’t too careful.We haven’t kissed since that time in June. We cuddle alot and he touches my bum (through clothes!). He flirts with me heaps, pays me compliments, is affectionate and has told me on more than one occasion that he finds it hard to keep his hands off me. Now you might think he just wants me for sex, but there have been so many opportunites for it to progress to that and he hasn’t taken them. If the cuddling gets a bit intense we pull apart, mainly him or he says he has to go home. He said he wanted to buy me underwear for my birthday which isn’t until late in the year. I could understand a boyfriend buying it for his girlfriend, but a close male pal to his girl pal??? So, what does he see me as??The other night we were lying on my bed having another intense cuddle and we slept. Well, my parents came home and he looked worried saying ‘If you’re parents ask where I am don’t tell them I’m up here; they may get the wrong idea!!! What did he mean by that? He told me his father has brought him up to be a gentleman. Having known his family all my life I know this to be true. He told me the last time he had sex was several months ago with his ex-girlfriend in the heat of the moment but he said they didn’t take it to its natural conclusion because ‘it didn’t feel right’. It really seemed like he was trying to justify himself to me but it doesn’t bother me because we’re not going out together.So, is he seeing me as his next girlfriend? Or does he pull apart from me physically because he is trying to remain just friends? I want to go with the flow and not ask him directly because I think it would put too much pressure on him so soon after his relationship ended and might freak him out. I am trying to let him control the pace of things. I need some indication though because if it does seem like he wants me as his girlfriend then I need to stop dating these other guys!!!!
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ex girlfriend, flirt, his ex, kissing, shy, split up, teasing, underwear Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Nish +, writes (3 August 2006):
Well, from what I just read, it sounds like he does want you as a girlfriend but he's affraid to express his feelings,just like you said. I think you should ask him if he's ready to start a serious relationship with you. But what toyu should really do is ask yourself if your ready for a serious relationship with him. Because from what you're telling me, it seems that he really wants you but doesn't know if you want him. He sounds like a nice guy and it's even better that you two are friends. That means that the bond between you and him will last because you already know alot about each other. Obviously, you two want each other because you keep mentioning that you always in up cuddling with him and I know you like it because you mentioned it over three times. I think you should give him a try!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): i think you shpuld dump him and move on with your life he is not giving you the respect you need
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