A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I could really do with your thoughts on if my friend likes me as more than a friend.So we met at a sport club about 2 and a half years ago (along with a girl who has become one of my best mates). The 3 of us, always used to always train together but lives got in the way and we all stopped going to the club. So we instead started meeting every few months for a catchup. At these, he would always update us with his latest dating mishaps.So at our last meeting, in Nov14, there were some differences with how he was towards me - mainly he was squeezing my leg when one of our other mates was hitting on him and later in the evening told me we fitted well together. I didn't say/do anything as we had all been drinking a lot and the comment caught me off balance.Since then he has been messaging me constantly (but no messages to the other friend in our group, who is also female) and we chat about everything and anything! He's still keeping me informed of his dating escapades but last night he was sending me lingere links and asking opinions. I've always been seen as 'one the guys' as I am very tomboyish so I wasn't sure if he was treating me as a good mate he can chat to about dating disasters. But the messages last night have really confused me!Can you help me please? I'm generally rubbish with guys, and very shy over relationships so I'd like some advice before deciding which direction to go:1) Do I just keep chatting to him like before or2) Do I ask him out (which I'm hesitant about in case I've misread the situation).Thanks guysXxxx
View related questions:
shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ILMCSW  +, writes (13 January 2015):
to add to what WisOwlE said, i think that there is nothing wrong with asking him out, if he says yes great! but if he says no and he's a good friend nothing should change between you, just hours ago this happened to me (which led me to come here).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2015): Trying to figure out if a friend has romantic-interests is pretty tricky. It's hard to tell the difference between over-reading signals and wishful-thinking. If in a drinking situation; people hit on each other for no other reason than convenience and sexual-curiosity.
Sending you lingerie links seems pretty bold not to be brave enough to ask you out on a date. He is not thinking of you as one of the boys for certain. If you're tomboyish, he'd suspect you were gay if anything.
You could always invite him out for coffee. Just the two of you. Don't offer drinks; because you want to know what's on his mind without the influence of alcohol. If he has any interests aside from jumping your bones (which is desirable if you're attracted to him in that way); you may need to know if it's anything more meaningful than that. Unless all you want to know is what he's like as a lover. If he's more talk than substance. If you're not interested in being just friends with benefits, withhold the benefits.
Revealing his dating-disasters may be hinting that he's still available and on the market in a roundabout way. He's just careful about what he's saying around the other friends. He's also being careful not to be shot-down in-front of them.
He's picking up signals from you that you may be more interested than you're letting on. I believe he is throwing subtle passes, by what you've described. Testing the waters. If all his dates have been failures, now he's checking out women he feels more at ease with.
Just be cautious that it's not just a matter of convenience. He might be a player. Which could explain so many disasters! If all else fails, go fishing in a barrel.
You can take the direct approach, and ask him if he'd like to see how things would go on a date. It would only get awkward if you got drunk, and had sex right off the bat.
That's the mistake most people make. If you really want to know how he feels about you; have that coffee-date and chat. Maybe under one-on-one conditions; his flirtations would be more direct, and his intentions would be more discernible.
I think he has a lot of dating-disasters; because he makes consistently poor choices, or he's trying too hard. Obviously he lacks the finesse and charm it takes to convey his interest in a woman. Sending lingerie links to you is inappropriate and kind of knuckle-headed. If that's how he's approaching the other women, he's got a problem.
So, I wouldn't be too worried about anything-blowing up in your face; if you find out you've got your wires crossed. Better to get it out in the open; instead of letting him come-on to you and pretending to be oblivious.
...............................
|
