A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK this is something I never thought I would need to do. But I am so confused right now and need some honest answers.About 3 years ago I started a new job and since my first day I've got on really well with my office manager. We email a lot about everything (some days over 100 emails between us) then we also text in the evening. Nearly every time he enters the room he has to do something to get my attention, whether it be pushing my papers on my desk, or stroking my hair, or making some sort of noise. He also just randomly calls me (when at work) but says nothing..Most people at work think we like each other, but we both haven't admitted it, well to each other anyway. Last May we went out with a group of my friends for my birthday. He stared at me for the whole night, got jealous when my guy friends hugged me, and we danced a little. My sister (being drunk) decided to say to him 'you love her, don't you' and he replied 'yeah I do, but she deserves better'. So for the past year, everything has been going on the same as before, nothing has been said between us, we just talk a lot. He is with someone else and has been with her for about a year, but he doesn't seem very happy.About 3 weeks ago i decided i was fed upo with mind games and stopped all casula texting and emails to him. It lasted 5days when he decided to email and ask if I would like to go to the cinema with him. To watch a scary film. I agreed. Knowing we were only going as friends but secretly wanting it to be more. We went last night, and nothing happened. He sat with his arms crossed for the whole film.I am so confused. Does he like me or not? Am I reading into things wrong? all my friends think he does, and say that, maybe he did want something to happen last night, but doesn't want to cheat on his girlfriend. Should I just go back to being professional and try and get over him or do I keep going along with it, being a 'friend' and hoping something happens in the future? Or do I ask him out right?Please help....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2013): Even if he does like you, he might not be the sort of guy who cheats on his current girlfriend regardless of how bad the relationship might be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): You should always maintain professionalism at work.Stroking your hair is inappropriate, and allowing it was only encouraging more inappropriate behavior. To prove what?He wastes office time and yours, sending silly e-mails. On and off company time. Yet he has a girlfriend.He is hoping to be invited to have a sex. Nothing more serious than that.When a man says you deserve better, believe him.What's worse, is that your co-workers are aware' and he has a girlfriend who will eventually find out. Drunk lips, sink ships! Then what? While some people like just being toyed with, and sitting in the the land of wishy washy; wiser individuals require and prefer the more direct approach. The behavior exchanged between you and the office manager is better done away from the job. His bosses may not like the potential risk of sexual harassment. At some point he will cross a boundary that you aren't comfortable with. He's walking a thin line as it is, and upper-management would get rid of you sooner than he.Asking you out as friends, and stroking your hair at work is contradictory. Don't pretend you don't see where this is going and that you won't take him up on it.Preserve your heart and protect your feelings, and keep your job. Find someone available, and be a professional lady at work. You'll gain an unwanted reputation. You would more appreciate having respect for your professionalism by your co-workers. Office-flirting always leads to trouble. It seems innocent, but it's not.If you should receive a promotion, you don't want it tarnished by rumors, innuendo,and false implications. Better yet, you don't want to be placed in a position of defending your personal honor, when a jealous co-worker evokes suspicions of preferential treatment. It's bound to happen. All is well; until something great comes your way at work. People tend to lose their indifference and become more judgmental. I'm not faulting you for appreciating his attention. Lets by-pass the inappropriate exchange at your job; that speaks volumes for itself.You should have ended it when you realized he has a girlfriend.What business is it of yours whether it is happy or not?Maybe you're the reason, if it's not.So how do you defend your position as a home-wrecker? Harsh words; but look at it from her perspective, and put yourself in her place. The sad part is, you don't care.You can't pretend to be innocent; nor naive after describing what is going on. You are placing your professional life and your feelings at risk.Get out and meet eligible and available men. Stop fishing in a barrel.
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