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Does he know what he really wants .. me or her

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 May 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 16 May 2009)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

hey every1 ..my ex broke up with me 7 months ago during the duration of the breakup weve slept togther on a few occasions... to him it was a friends with benifits situation but to me it always felt like more ..im still madly in love with him and cant seem to get over him.. at times i think he doesnt really know what he wants even though he says hes over me and all that .. action speak louder than words .. 2 weeks ago he was texting me wanting me to sleep with him i didnt though because it was hurting me sleeping with him .... a week later hes in a relationship which is a long distance one .. when i found this out i was so gutted he posted it on facebook and every1 was asking me if i had seen it ... it hurts so much to hear that the love of my life has found someone else ,, i txt him the other day telling him how hurt i am cos of what he has done and letting my emotions take control .. it wasn't the nicest message but it had to be said cos i've been so nice to him after everything he did .. he didn't reply 4 a few days but when he did it was at 1:00am he cracked it at me saying that i'm full of shit and that it hurt him with what i said to him he told me that he wanted to get rid of me otta his phone everything that i have given him he didnt want and all this shit all because i clled him an asshole which he stated he was previously .. i had enough of his shit so i messaged him to say i wanted my shit back cos i've waited so long 4 them back so i decided i had enough .. he told me to come over and get them so i did .. when i was there he was asking me y i said that he was an asshole and i told him he hurt me and shit.. any way he kept saying that he's in the relationship and that she is his future but he also said it's not a serious relationship cos its long distance and stuff ..this was killing me inside him telling me this was absolute torture but i kept a cool head and just listened.. things started to get really weird because he was saying that if he wasnt in the relationship he would sleep with me and he was saying that i'm very attractive and have a great body and im the best chick and all this shit .. i didnt know what to say so i just stood there cos it was sooo weird him saying that .. he was telling me how much he didnt want to dump me because he felt really comfortable with me coz we were both right into sport and stuff ... he told me i was the best gf he has had and that he was thinking of marrying me but then it went bad .. anyway it was getting late so i got my stuff and was goin to go home when i was walking out to my car he was putting his arm around me and stuff.(weird) then he grabbed me and started cuddling me and saying that if he wasnt in the relationship he would go me and asked me if i went inside would i do anything and im like hell no ur in a relationship and i hate cheaters i wouldnt do that ever.... then he was like as if u wouldnt do anything and hes like u wouldnt be the 1 cheating i would be im like no then hes like ohh thats good cos i wouldnt anyway but i couldnt believe it at all i just didnt know what to do i couldnt beieve i was hearing this ... he put his arms around me and started to cuddle me again then he kisssed my fore head and said goodbye .. to me it seems like hes unsure about his feelings i don't know if im reading into things but i get that feeling.. if any one could give me some advice or opinions that would be great thanks 4 listening

View related questions: broke up, facebook, long distance, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009):

I have learned that being used by a man you love actually does not really feel good. It just feels kinda good. Being used is a waste of your precious time, and your value of who you truly are. You would be so much better off if you waited to find true love, real sharing love, instead of letting a guy you wanted to love have his selfish lttle piggy way with you......I used to love a man very much. He used me all the while. It never got better, except for the part that he kept improving on tricking me into believing in something that was never there, and never became. I now understand it never would have gotten better. Please go.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (11 May 2009):

Honeypie agony auntHe's using you because you let him :( Simple as that. She is far away and he has a great warm familiar body right there next to him.

Honestly, unless you like to have your heart ripped out on a weekly/monthly basis I strongly suggest you let him go. Get your stuff and then ignore him. Move on.

He most likely have no frigging clue of what he wants, but if you continue to see and mostly have sex with him, he will not do a turn around and love you for real.

You need a man you treats you with respect and love. He ain't it.

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A male reader, theatrelife Canada +, writes (11 May 2009):

Well it seems to me as if he is unsure of his feelings as well. But what I think you have to do is just let him think for a while. Don't even talk to him. Let him see what it is like without you and decide for himself what he wants. Now he is also being an asshole.and this is probably because he wants you to be gone but doesn't want to tell you that. As a guy I myself have done that before. Although I have realised that it is not the way to go about things. Let him think about what he wants and then come back in a while.

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