A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here is the deal.. recently going through seperation we have 2 wonderful kids. I am not used to meeting guys and the whole dating thing. I met this guy 10 months ago.. he came into my life and went out. I just really was unsure as to starting over with someone new yet. Well we ran into each other 2 weekends ago. I walked into the bar and immediately he noticed me and smiled the biggest smile. He is a little younger than i and pretty immature. I talked to him and his friends. The fact that he was like wow you are beautiful etc... really intrigued by me. To be honest for me it was not about a relationship.. i just wanted sex. It had been so long and i did not care what he thought. Well that is what happened it was unbelieveable..I got up and left. No connections i keep repeating to myself. Well i left with out my jacket, and had to text him to see if i could retrive it.. So i did the whole walk of shame, back to his place and grabbed my coat and that was it. The next night I happened to be at a movie with my sister and i text him. I know how desperate i may sound, but it was good. He responded with come on over. Well it happened agian and this time it was horrible sex, just horrible. I even said that it was the worst sex ever.. I am not like that why would i say this to hurt someone. Was he not living up to my standards? What standards did i place on this situation? Well he ended up saying he did not like me as a person, but then when i went to leave he wanted me to stay. Just kept saying stay with me. Crazy games!! Well i did leave, felt completely awful and sent him a huge apology from me. He responded with kind words saying that he just did not want a relationship right now, and he felt that is what i was looking for. Well i am not. Should i contact him agian or should i let it go? I really was not thinking he would respond to my text apologizing. He said he did not like me as a person. Why would he respond to me than? I think i should just drop this? So many mixed signals.. Does he just want me to chase him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): I would let it go. In my experience, when you rush sex too soon, the other person is not going to look at you as relationship material. I slept around a bit when I was younger because I had a low self esteem and thought guys would like me, but none of them ever wanted a relationship with me. I had one long term relationship with someone I waited two months before sleeping with, and then jumped in another one with the guy I'm with now as soon as that ended, which wasn't the smartest thing to do, but we're still together and for the most part are happy. He did tell me though that I am the only woman he's had a long term relationship with who slept with him so early. He said he wasn't sure in the beginning whether I wanted a relationship because of that.
I would just start over, hope for someone new. If the sex really was horrible, I can't imagine it working out anyway. If you really like the guy, maybe call him and explain your situation, but it doesn't look too promising.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): You don't have to like someone to have sex with them. In a one-off encounter, a man isn't interested in a woman's personality, she's just a convenient receptacle. If you've got a half decent body that's all that matters to him. There's no such thing as bad sex for a man so it was immaterial to him whether you thought it was good or not. He enjoyed it and that's all that mattered to him.
If you were to say to him "Who do you think you're going to satisfy with THAT?" his reply might be "ME!" If you're going to offer sex, he's going to take it - at least until he finds a better proposition, like someone who cooks him a meal afterwards rather than walks out for instance.
If you want to be used again then by all means contact him again!
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