A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I have a quite complicated problem so ill try my best to explain it.I’m 16 and my boyfriend is now 19, we have been together for 3 years and met during high school, through a friend. I’ve been through a lot of problems during our relationship especially dealing with depression and anxiety. I feel I really had to grow up during the years and its led me to being serious about my relationship. I like the idea of being in a long term relationship and being with someone. I also think because of the timing of my problems (Going through my teenage years) I became very dependant on my boyfriend for support and someone to talk to which meant we spend A LOT of time together. But now I feel like our relationship is falling apart, ive been told by a lot of people to not be so consuming of my boyfriends time as it will only make him want to leave and because he is growing up he will have those urges to party, hang with friends, drink, see girls etc. He cheated on me earlier this year after getting drunk at a bar and having sex with a prostitute so we both agreed at the time he wouldn’t go to a bar until I was ready. I’m having such a hard time trying to figure how I will just move on if our relationship ends. In my opinion he is quite childish and wants to end our relationship as soon as a problem arises as he doesn’t want to deal with it. He will also buy me something out of kindness and bring it up the next week about how he spends his hard earned money on me. So I’ve decided that if it ends, I wont stop it this time. I just need to find some ways to cope because I feel like my anxiety will lead me back to him and because its been 3 years, its become a habit to just be around him. I would consider him the closest person in my life and would hate to loose him or see him with another girl, but he continues to hurt me with his actions. I’m doing a study course at the moment which is only 2 days a week and ive been struggling to find a job for nearly a year now leaving me with a lot of free time. This is not what I planned my life to be like but unfortunately it is and im trying to find a part time job to take up some of my time ,I feel like its very unfair for him to accuse me of being lazy and threaten to break up with me as soon as he gets upsets which is happening currently, I feel to put down to continue with him doing this. What do you guys think? Does he just need time alone? Will things get better when I’m finally not at home 24/7 and giving him some peace?
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female
reader, Avalon  +, writes (2 September 2010):
You should get out of this relationship. You are clearly not happy, and it certainly can't be helping with your depression and anxiety.Trust me, I have been in your shoes, and it may hurt at first, but the relief you will feel by no longer having to be concerned and worried about what he is up to, and whether he is being faithful is the most refreshing, liberating feeling.You're so young, and you will regret wasting your youth on a relationship that makes you unhappy and is going nowhere. When I was 16 I wanted a boyfriend, but I wasn't willing to give up my carefree teenage lifestyle to get one....I wanted to hang out with my friends, have sleepovers, get excited whenever I saw my latest crush (which changed daily), gab on the phone for hours (we didn't have cell phones back then!). Enjoy this time in your life, because you only have a couple more years to be irresponsible. I had a very rough time when my first love and I broke up. I couldn't sleep or eat for a month...I had lost 20lbs during that time. I would throw up a lot, cried so much my eyes had dark red rings around them, making me look like a skeleton...it was a bad situation. But, my friends helped me through it, got me out of the house and kept my mind off of it. My mother forced more chores upon me to keep my mind busy...she talked to me and told me that everybody goes through this at some point, and, maybe it doesn't feel like it, but you'll get through to the other side sooner than you think, and you'll be a stronger person.Only you know your relationship best. If you feel that it is worth saving, then more power to you. But, to me, you sound miserable, and I'm sure you don't deserve that lifestyle.Take Care!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): I think you need to break free from this guy, he's only hurting you and bringing you down. You deserve better, and even though he has been wonderful in helping you through the tough times over the years, he no longer is, and you don't need him. Yes you spend lots of time with him, but there's tons of people out there who are going to fulfill your life.Get out there and start doing your own thing. You're still young so maybe try to get some qualifications or some skills down so you can have more to offer future employers? It's so competitive nowadays that if you try get something under your name it will help you a lot. I know it's hard but take little steps and don't let the world get you down.Once you have a job, try start some new hobbies or go new places and meet new people. If you have some new friends you won't feel as bad when this doesn't pan out with your bf, because you will not be alone. Best of luck
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