A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a weird situation and need opinions please..Talked to this guy online, Skype, phone for three years(I know I know "you never met him")... But it was budding pen pals to friends to romantic interest. There was a possibility of seeing if anything was there as I'm moving to his country next year for work. I went to his country last month on a tour with a friend, was there 3 weeks. He never made plans before I left but said he wants to meet. We talked every day while I was there but never made plans though I was within 30 minutes from him at times. He told me later it was his army job that he couldn't leave...Then he gives me two days notice that he got vacation time at a resort with friends/ family and wanted me to drive three hours to spend some time with him. He was so excited! At this time my girl friend and I were no longer with the group and already booked hotels/ mini trips that cost $. My friend also didn't want to go to the resort, nor did she feel comfortable me driving alone in a somewhat volatile country. I told him I'm sorry and it was a hard choice but had to say no this time but maybe next time we can make more concrete plans. He told me he felt like begging me to come, he was jealous of if I was meeting other men there. I think he interpreted it as rejection tho I made it clear that wasn't the case and it was a hard choice for me to make.Well he got so mad, told me I hid behind my friend, used her as an excuse and eventually, after trying to tell him rationally what happened, said he never wanted to speak with me again- even when I move there. He said I've changed. That I'm over confident and all talk. He said I treated him like a toy- again, huge misinterpretation and he knows it! He knows how I feel about him!!Is there any way to fix this? I reached out over text last week to say hey and he blew me off, making a point to tell me he went on vacation and had "lots of sex".Ugh three years is a long time to just throw this away over a bad planning yes? Please help :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2016): He's a jerk; I agree, be glad that your relationship didn't progress more before you found out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2016): count your blessings its over.
He just wanted a potential hookup
and all those years of communication were about what he could eventually get from you.
Quite possibly he had more than one onthe go but you are probably the first to stand your ground due to commonsense.
Thank the good lord youhave commonsense.
It is a unique gift that will continue to serve you well.He is out to hurt you now and that could always have been part of the plan ,so drop him and dont think of trying to make a new plan.
See him as a snake that made itback to his snake nest, shedding his skin as he went.
Quietly determine never togonear his snake nest again!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2016):
 This is way more than bad planning.
IF I had someone that i was chatting with for three MONTHS (not to mention years) and they lived very far away and I FINALLY was going to be within driving distance of them, I would be at the locale the red hot second they were close enough.
Stop rowing this boat. get on with your life. Do not let him guilt or bully you into doing what he wants.
He's acting like a child. He misbehaved and he's trying to deflect and make it your fault. It's not.
be glad you found out now. you are not throwing 3 years away over bad planning you are using 3 years of knowledge as a growing and learning experience and his bad behavior as a jumping off point.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2016):
 I think this is more than just "bad planning". He expected you to ask how high when he said jump. And he got mad when you didn't. Absolutely unfair. You don't mention the country, but most people would NOT feel super confident driving 3 hours by themselves in a country they are not very familiar with.
As your punishment he then later blew you off stating he NOW went on holiday and had lots of sex.
Sorry... I'd delete/block and move on.
And Id thank my lucky star that I didn't get involved any further with this guy.
Why "waste" any more time now?
I'd chalk this up to a learning experience. You (general you) think you know someone after chatting for 3 years, but obviously you don't.
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