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anonymous
writes: I have been having problems with my husband lately and i am starting to feel that maybe we are growing apart. We have only been married for 18months and have a 9month old son. Since being married my husband has had an accident and cannot return to work due to the constant pain he is in, i know that this has put a strain on our relationship but now it is getting worse. He doesnt talk to me about his problems any more and he seems to have lost all interest in everything. I have started to go out with my friends once or twice a month and i have also been talking to an old school pal on the internet. The trouble is that my old friend is also an old boyfriend and although he has a girlfriend now he has told me that he has feelings for me and regrets us not working things out. I have feelings for him too but i would never cheat on my husband, weel i thought not but now i am not so sure i am not being shown any affection and i know i can get it elsewhere if i want. What should i do? I dont want to split up our family but i want to be satisfied, am i just being selfish? Please help me.
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female
reader, me123456789  +, writes (3 August 2008):
You are ABSOLUTELY being selfish. I can't believe that while your husband is sitting in pain and depression, you're thinking about having an affair with an ex-boyfriend!Think about it from his perspective. He's now unable to support his family by going to work and being productive. He no longer has the ability to live his life how he once knew it, and now he has to worry about you and how satisfied YOU are? a) Think about it through his eyes.b) Stop this idea that your husband has to tell you everything he's thinking about, and start appreciating what he IS communicating to you. The best communication comes through self-disclosure, not force. c) For god's sake don't have an affair. Make a choice. If you've done everything you can to understand where your husband is coming from WITHOUT him having to tell you (this includes books and therapy), and made the changes YOU need to make, and still you're unhappy? Leave the relationship. And do not hook up with anyone until you do. Especially not someone who will cheat on someone else to get his own selfish desires fulfilled.Cheating is ALWAYS selfish, if only for the fact that it leaves your loved ones in pain so you can "get yours."It's not selfish to want to be satisfied, but that's YOUR job. Find it in yourself instead of looking around for someone else to do your job for you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007): you are not being selfish. if you need to be satisfied then do it!! i used to believe in trying to talk woth your partner to advise them of how you are feeling. if your words fall on deaf ears then by all means look for the person that will give the feeling you want all beit temporary. we all need that physical contact. the fact that you take the "vow" keeps you from stepping out. that does not always work. so the real question should be live depressed or satisfied.....i choose satisfied!!!!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (21 January 2005):
 You are not being selfish. You simply want to feel desired and wanted and right this moment in time, your husband isn't making you feel this way.You want affection from your husband. It would be too easy to fall into the trap of having an affair with your friend on the net and could lead to so much heartbreak for everyone concerned.I believe your husband could be suffering from depression and this is why he is taking a back seat on life. You need to encourage him to seek help. Tell him how much you care about him and that you want him to feel better about himself and you. You want him the way he used to be and in order for him to feel that way again, he needs assistence. This could be through medication or therapy or both. It seems he may have lost a lot of confidence and self worth and you could help to build it up by telling him what you think of him and all he has achieved and how much you love him.Encourage him as much as possible to tell you what is troubling him but you do need to consider yourself in all this. Inform him that you do feel neglected and that you would love for him to be affectionate again. Tell him that you will do all it takes to get him back on his feet again. Also say how your son will benefit from having a happy father who wants to get involved with life.Sit your husband down tonight and talk to him.
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