A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and have always had problems with his ex. At the start of our relationship he did the dirty on me and I found out that he was sleeping with his ex, we split up (Not the best start I know). We got back together some time after and as he and his ex have a child together they still have contact. Recently i found his cell phone bill and he has been sending the ex about 20 text messages a day. He has never spoken to the ex in front of me and last week she rang, he wouldnt talk in front of me but then went outside so I couldnt hear and had a conversation which lasted around about 10 minutes. I feel something is being hidden from me and I dont see the need for a secret conversation with the ex. I have now finished the relationship.Does anyone think I am being paranoid or looking into things too much or am I being reasonable?Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Echoes +, writes (11 March 2007):
Trust me if a man is sending 20 texts to an ex then he's up to something. If he is secretive and taking calls outside then he's up to someone. If he is in contact with her then he up to something. I HATE to say this but the most likely scenario is that she is messing him about (hence still being in touch) and he is dating you until as a stop gap...I don't want you to be sad and I don't want to upset you (really) but my advice would be to end it now before you (potentially) get humiliated; you're worth more than that. Of course I don't know the whole story and I am answering your version of events but if what you say is true then I am sorry to say you're better off without him perhaps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): It looks like he was cheating on you with his ex. Well done for dumping him, nicely done.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (11 March 2007):
 What cd said. This guy's being a total ass and is giving u so many reasons to not trust him. Good move on dumping him. Nicely done;-)
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (11 March 2007):
 I don't think it matters whether you were being paranoid or unreasonable or entirely rational. The only thing that matters is that the trust in this relationship was evidently gone from the very moment he cheated on you the first time. You made a valiant effort to save your relationship but the fact that you still had to look through his mobile phone bills etc just shows that the trust never really came back. A relationship can't survive without trust and if there was none in your relationship then it was always doomed to failure, no matter what you tried to do to save it. I think it's time to move on and not beat yourself up about it.
CD
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