A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This might sound completley random, but its something pretty important to me and something i've never really thought about asking about until now. The thing is, i don't feel i have a personality, i don't know whether it's because i'm comparing myself to other people or just some kind of issue i feel inside of me, but all i feel is complete emptyness. Everyone seems to be really happy, bubbily and full of energy all of the time and everyone seems to fit in with each other. I'm not exactly a very confident person as i think i've deffinatley spent too much time on my appearance through growing up because i'm pretty insecure and its starting to effect me, i spend most of my time thinking about things and being by myself instead of interacting with other people as i don't have the energy which is something i can't help. I'm sure i'm still suffering from some sort of depression which i'm not going to go into, but i'm scared of not being depressed as at the moment thats all i have to go off.its pretty hard to explain but i was just wondering if anybody really knows who they are, or whether its just the odd few people (me included), and does it take time to figure it out? i always seem to act differently and i've never felt comfortable or like i'm being myself.i'm kind of babbiling here because i'm confused even thinking about this,anyways, if you get what i'm talking about any advice would be great, thanks x
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male
reader, look samurai dick +, writes (30 January 2009):
hey there.
im not sure if your on any drugs for your depression but they can effect your mood.
whatever the case. your not any more different than the millions of people out there. we all trying to fit in. everyone has insecurities. our media feeds you images of what you 'should' be like from all directions.
but the truth is we are all messed up. the cool kids - the nerds. all of us have problems. you just have to learn to be ok with yourself. to love yourself for who you are. our faults are what make us human. we all have them and you just have to learn to laugh at life and not be scared to make mistakes or to be wrong.
you sound like an interesting person and quite a thinker. it takes some people a while to find a group of friends that they really 'click' with. i would also say that when i was your age i never really felt like i knew who i was. maybe because i had not done much in life. through lifes ups and down you can be sure you will have a good picture of yourself in the future. stay bright life is what you make it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou for your posts,i love reading other people's views just to know your not the only person thinking or going through the same thing, and yes they did help, very much {:thanks again x
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A
female
reader, DelicateDame  +, writes (26 January 2009):
I think I understand parts of this. Like when you spend a lot of time thinking about things, and prefer being by yourself 'cause you don't have the energy to interact. I know exactly how this feels. I've had days where I just leave my phone off and lie about how I lost my charger, just because I'd rather stay home than do anything. I always end up doing a whole lot of nothing.
I sometimes don't know who I am either. Like when I'm talking to one friend, I'll be a completely different person than who I am when I talk to some other friend. I change according to the situation, never really seeming constant.
But in a way, I think I always know who I am, deep down, even if I forget sometimes. Trust me- I'm not bubbly or confident. I wouldn't wear a bikini if you paid me, and I think most of the female population is way more beautiful than I am. A lot of people think that you have to love yourself before others can love you, but frankly, I think that's garbage. How would you know the beautiful parts of yourself, the reasons to love yourself, if no one ever pointed it out to you? Some people are confident enough to love themselves without any help, but I think it all boils down to a few good people who love you for who you are.
I think a person's personality isn't based on them alone. I think it's bits and pieces of other people. We, as a species, are social. We affect each other in ways we don't even know sometimes. I think a lot of who I am has to do with my friends, family, even teachers, but there's also a core to that, things that are unique to me and no one else. Everyone else makes up the bulk.
Personally, when I'm down, I talk to my friends. They always cheer me up, But if that doesn't work for you, I could suggest other short-term solutions. There's no one thing you can do and BAM you're bubbly and confident. But one thing to keep you happy is to think of things you're grateful for. I know someone who makes a list every morning when he wakes up, and it really seems to help him. I've never really thought that kind of thing was for me, but I can see the logic. You really start to enjoy life more once you appreciate the good things there, you know? Another form of this, when you're feeling self-conscious, is to remember compliments you've been given, or things you're better at than other people. Write it down if you have to.
Another thing I do is listen to music. Sometimes it helps to get all the peppy music and bounce around until your mood fits, sometimes it helps to find music to match your mood, and sometimes it helps to listen to songs that have messages, you know, those corny songs that say to keep going, or those that talk about how beautiful you are. Sometimes though, it's exactly what you need to hear. If you care to know, I wouldn't mind sharing some of my "anti-wallow" (as I call it) music.
I don't know if this helped at all. I realize that this was ridiculously long. But I've actually pondered this subject for quite some time. But hey- if it means anything, there's at least one kid out there rooting for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): hi, you sound very similar to me, i too spent most of my time on my appearance when growing, i did that because i thought if i looked pretty then people would like me, i realise now that was silly. i was not very confident myself, and i would also look at people and see them as bubbly, always happy and confident. If i sat in a group of people i would say very little if nothing at all, because i thought what i had to say wasnt interesting and people would think i was stupid. that was until about two years ago! im 36 now. so it went on a long time.
how did i change it?
firstly, when i was in a group i would stop worrying how i looked and listen more to what people were saying, and making a point of asking at least two questions, it was a start and i began to feel more confident the more i did it, and seeing people react and engage in conversation showed me that how i looked was not important as it was what i had inside that attracted them, they wanted to hear what i had to say and liked letting me know what they had inside.
i feel now like a person who's contribution is worth something, and i like the person i am, i was scared to let my personality shine as did not feel good enough.
now i shine and i feel i have a great personality, and you know what i feel bubbly and happy with it.
i never understood what people meant when they said 'just be yourself' but thats exactly what i am now.
its all down to finding confidence, stop wondering if you are being yourself, you will start to feel comfortable as soon as you do, and always remember that you are a unique person, so yes you will act different to other people and thats your beauty, thats what sets us all apart, thats what people are attracted too, show them just how wonderful you are.
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