A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Does anyone have any experience of Body Dismorphia Disorder (BDD)?My female friend is incredibly attractive but finds it extremely difficult to date anyone. Only recently she admitted to me when she wad drunk that she suffers from bdd. I could not believe it when she told me it is her face in particular. She sees a monster in the mirror that can make her feel physically sick. As a result she gets depressed, suffers from anxiety in public because she thinks she is too ugly to be seen out in public. Obviously it causes massive problems in relationships because she feels her appearence is so horrendus she is truly unlovable and no one will ever want her, so even if she dates and the other person wants to see her again, she ends it anyway to prevent what she thinks is the inevitable.I want to help and found the only thing she has done so far is see the general practioner doctor who perscribes anti depressants. She doesn't like to take them as they make her heart race and she thinks eventually she'll just deal with it or grow out of it. I am slowly trying to get her to come round to seeing a specialist therapist as I read that CBT is effective.Has anyone on here suffered from it to the same degree and sorted themselves out or at least subdued it? If so, what was the story and what did it involve?Thanks for any help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): Well I am just speculating as Im not even sure I have it. When I was little I got really fat. And my sister always called me names and put me down. Fatso. Fat slob. Loser. So I believed I was all those names she called me. After I lost weight and became attractive, I had self esteem issues. I never felt beautiful, no matter how many times people would tell me. I even went to a plastic surgeon once because I wanted to get liposuction. Btw, I was 5'3 and weighed 108 lbs. He said he would not touch me. He said, if you don't like your body then work out. You do not need plastic surgery.
I didn't understand. I would look in the mirror and see the old fat me. But then I would see myself in pictures and feel shocked. I'd then notice how good I look. But I couldn't see it when I look at myself in the mirror. I don't see a monster though. It's not that bad. I know I'm pretty.
I think it had to do with how badly my sister put me down.
It has never affected my relationships though because I have a good personality and usually date guys who I have a good connection with and feel comfortable with. And furthermore, I don't want to date a guy who just likes me for my looks. I like to be with men who know the real me, underneath the superficial and we just simply get along.
I think your friend has probably dealt with some harsh cruelty and abuse. And she has developed a major complex that's turned into a disorder. But the bdd is a symptom of the problem. A therapist will be able to help her.
A
female
reader, mrspiggy +, writes (14 February 2015):
 Please, please get her to see a therapist, preferably one that specialises in bdd. She needs to talk about this with a professional. It doesn't go away, but it can get better and pills won't stop her feeling this way.
Bdd is an awful thing to live with especially as knowledge of it is not widely available and people just do not understand or think you are seeking attention.
There are quite a few support groups for bdd in the uk and talking it through with people that feel the way you do can really help too.
Talk to her yourself. You know she's beautiful, but it doesn't matter how many times she hears it when every time she looks in the mirror she sees this inloveable mass of imperfections. Tell her you understand and want to help, that you're there if she needs you. Tell her she is NOT alone.
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