A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Does anybody know of a relationship that has come through after a partner has cheated repeatedly?Im interested as the advice i have been given by family and friends is 'walk its not the first time, a leopard never changes its spots'Thing is apart from the messing around our relationship i thought was great, we got on really well and had a great sex life. He is 8yrs younger than me and its his first relationship, hes not used to the usual day to life of a family, bills, arguements amongst kids, saving for things.He has given his number out to 3 different girls in the 3 years weve been together, hes had text sex with them and arranges to meet, i know he has met two of them but denys sleeping with them.I do love him we have a child together but i know i love him that much i'd never dream of giving my number out or cheating on him so i've walked from the relationship, but im finding it really hard as i still love him deeply.Do leopards ever change their spots or is it true that once a cheat always a cheat, has anyone got any advice thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2007): I was a cheat. i was a compulsive liar. I liad and cheated on my partner repeatedly. Had an affair behind his back.
Its stupid when people say cheaters are always cheaters. I just did not know any different as that was how I was treated by others. I thought my partner was the same, and would do the same. How wrong I was.
We're happily married now, as I know first hand that you can actually change. I vowed never be dishonest again. And I havent.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): I actually do know a couple that survived cheating. I'm friends with him, and he did the cheating. They have a very long history though, they got together when they were in high school, have had a rocky road all through, and have been married with 2 children for 15 years. Their relationship was a miserable disaster, and they both engaged in flirting, kissing, talking to other people, but he was the one who actually had the affair about 4 years ago. He thought he was in love with the other woman for about 6 months. The thing is, he is also the one who ended it, confessed to it and vowed to change. He paid his dues through living hell with her for 2 years, she wouldn't sleep with him, was constantly angry with him, etc. They went to couples therapy at his insistance, though she resisted at first. They finally started doing better in year 3... though he was practically suicidal before it did. He just didn't want to live like that anymore but couldn't bear to leave. I think she finally saw that in him and she began to forgive him. Now they seem to be doing much better. But the main point is that I think the change really came from within him, and she definately made him pay and work for it. Knowing their story as I do I don't know a lot of people who could do that. Make no mistake it was a long and grueling road.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 When someone consistently cheats, personally I think they want to be found out, because they want out of their relationship and just can't say it. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't have done it...period. It could be the thrill to some as well, but if they got caught, I would think they would be on their best behavior to try and work things out again with their spouse and not try to screw it up because of the consequences that they might be facing. Being said though, I do still believe people can change, anything is possible, it just depends on the person and how sincere in proving it and wanting it to work.
For those that have cheated, I personally believe it's due to their lack of communication skills - and that doesn't mean I am ok with it either...however, it could also be lack on both, not just the cheater. In order for any relationship to succeed, their must always be open communication and time spent just for you two. When that times goes away, then everything becomes so routine that life becomes boring with no excitement. Just because some say but we have sex every other day can mean nothing. Relationships are not just about sex, they are meant where a couple shares themselves as best friends as well. When you are that best friend, you want nothing more then to be with your best friend. Sometimes people get married for the wrong reasons and it doesn't hit them in the face until much later. And yes, sometimes an age gap can cause problems as well. Everyone is different, so there could be any reason for his actions and why this happened. The only way you will ever truly know is to have a one on one talk with him and no one leaves the room until there is some answers. Not for it to get out of hand mind you, but where each can be honest in their true feelings...no matter what.
In my eyes, you have one, that for some reason does want out of the relationship and I would confront him about it. It sounds as though he will continue to cheat until you finally have had enough. In his eyes, he is supporting his family and see's his child, and he also gets a taste of what he wants to explore outside the marriage. This is not healthy and most certainly not respectful towards you.
Best of Luck to you....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): I had the same experience with a boyfriend of mine 8yrs younger. We got on fabulously together and I thought he was the one. However he persistantly cheated on me with numerous women older and younger. I always forgave him, because I believed that when he said he loved me he meant it. Like yourself I had visions of us settling down together, but in reality he was sewing his wild oats, getting as much sexual experience as he could. In the meantime using me as his 'mother figure' for all his nurturing. We broke up, I cried, we made up and the whole cycle just kept repeating itself, until eventually he met a girl who he decided was 'the one' for him. After four years of heartache together and me hoping that he would come back and commit, he never did. We did have some contact after the final break when he admitted that all along it was only about the sex and the security that I brought him. He could never see a future with me as I was that much older and already had children from a previous relationship. Basically he just used me until someone came along who met all his requirements including great sex. Don't be blinkered and make the same mistake as me ending up heartbroken and with very low self esteem. Find yourself an honest man who loves you for yourself only. Cheaters never change....
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (8 October 2007):
 in my personal experience, once a cheat always a cheat, and if you truly love someone you dont hurt them and cheating hurts
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