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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my bf for 3 years now. He has a stable job, very supportive to me, but he was a bit slow when it comes to our relationship. We don't talk about marriage at all. I already asked him twice if he ever have any plans for our relationship. First, he said, he didn't know the answers yet, so I waited. After a year, I asked again, after I caught him registered in a dating website (which he said his friend did for him but he was checking out different women profiles). He replied, he was thinking of marriage; however, he doesn't want to be made and let him just loved me for now. He also added, that he still didn't know what the answers yet and asked me to wait for another 6 mos.Do you think this relationship is worth waiting? Because I am almost at the end of my patience's rope. Please help, I needed some advice. Thank you kindly. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): It's hard to know because you don't describe in detail how he makes you feel. Is waiting the only issue? If he's perfect for you in every other way, then he's obviously worth waiting for. If he doesn't make you happy, then he's not. You just have to weigh in the priorities.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (15 December 2010):
The reason this one is tricky, is that you are both right. I can understand you wanting to be married, plan for being married, have a sense of the direction your life is going and the committments required to do those things.
I can also understand if he doesn't feel ready to be married, that might just honestly be because he is not ready, and he might not yet know what it takes to be ready. It might be part of his maturing process, and accepting the limitations that come with accepting a married life, whatever those are.
However, he might not know what the answers are, or feel ready, in 20 years. You might not want to wait that long. It might also be that he is not ready to face the fact that he doesn't really want to marry you deep down, or that he is not able to overcome the fear of the committment, it could be lots of things. He might not be able to tell you those things.
None of that really matters though. All you really need to know is what you want, and to tell him what you want, and what it means for you if you don't get what you want.
If you know you need the security of being married, or need to have kids by a certain age, or whatever it is you think you need, you can have a conversation around it. He will either come to the party or not, but that way at least you know. Communication is the start.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): No... don't wait. Leave him. He is looking for what he considers to be a better partner or for people to play with.
Either well it does not bode well for you. Don't waste your life waiting for someone who doesn't love and cherish you.
3 years is more than enough time to decide if you're going to commit to someone. Hopefully you don't love him so much that this will be horribly painful. Good luck.
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