A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My heart is slowly breaking. I met a guy online (not a dating site) and we rarely talked at first and conversations were short. Then we stopped talking completely for months. Then we started talking again and out chats gre longer and more enjoyable. I could tell he was starting to like me long before he told me. He would wait for me to come online, leave me messages offline, and gave me a nickname. He did eventually ask for my phone number but I wasn't comfortable yet and he acted like a perfect gentleman about that. We kept talking. Eventually we lost touch for a couple months again as he was moving and I was spending time with my sister and helping to take care of her kids. Eventually we started chatting again and it went well. I found that I was starting to really like this guy, but yet I still held back a little as it is only online. Then, he gave me his address, and I wrote and mailed him a letter. Around this time I also showed hom a picture of what I look like. He stayed up late waiting for me to come on to tell me he got the letter and how happy he was. We chatted for a little bit, then he asked for my phone number again, this time I agreed. He tried calling from skype, but it didn't work. Then we chatted some more until he really had to go to bed. That was the last time I ever talked to him. A week after that last chat he sent me an offline message saying he missed me, when can we talk. Three days later, we still haven't talked. (It's been 9 days~we usually talked every other day, or at least on the weekends.) He didn't come online this weekend, or last weekend (I waited for him~unless he didn't want me to know he was online.) I'm just confused now and I feel really hurt. Is he trying to ignore me? Did my picture or something else somehow change everything? I wish he would just tell me what is going on. I am tempted to send him an email to talk to him about it but I don't know if I should. What should I do? (We live in different time zone so hard to talk~but we both are free on weekeds~which is why I am mostly hurt right now.) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for implying I'm vulnerable.
I know to be careful about these online things; I know that very well and I take it very seriously. But I also don't believe he isn't genuine. There are genuine people are the internet; in life I am searching for a life partner. I don't care if I get married now or in 30 years from now, but I also don't want to pass up on him just because this is over the internet. Even then, we are a long way from marriage, but I can look after myself. If we meet I know to go to a crowded place~but that's far into the future. Thanks for your concern though.
Anyways, for an update, I sent him an email about the situation and he replied in an efficient manner and things are better now.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 I still wouldnt trust this situation. Reading between the lines it doesnt sound like its gueniune on his part. You understand that these friendships on line are open to very vunerable people believing in them. But if you want to pursue this I wish you luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, but no, the address was meant specifically for writing letters. Neither of us is able to visit each other in person right now, and if or when that day comes he will be the one getting on the plane. I know to be careful; which is why I did my research on him...and he came out clean. The pictures he showed me are in fact of him, he is the age he says he is (my age), he does indeed have the job he told me he has, etc, so I know he's not lying. Also, we've known each other for over 2 years now, that's a lot of time for someone to play the predator game; not to mention he knows I am one of those "wait till marriage" girls, and also, because of his religion, he can't have pre-marital sex (and he seems like he practices his religion by what I can tell and that he takes it seriously). And I know too, that this online dating stuff is stupid and real life is better, but again, I didn't intend for this to happen, it just sort of did. The only reason I started talking to him in the first place was because I thought he was a girl.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (3 October 2010):
Unfortunately, things changed after you wrote and sent a picture, so maybe thats the reason why he's not been in touch. You don't really know this guy and you'd have to see it as a 'virtual reality' relationship. He gave you his address, did he want you to visit him. You could be putting yourself at risk. He could be a lot older than you and a preditor, we hear of this kind of thing going off all the time. My advice to you would be to be very very careful. If you do need to visit him or anything at all that takes you out of the internet safety you need to let someone know of your plans. Be careful.
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