A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:he said he realy wants to be with me but feels that he will cheat on me within the next few years if we stay together.do you think this is just a excuse?i asked him when we first got together if he was ready for a relationship and he said yes. but now he says he doesent want to hurt me, and he just want to tell me the truth.he said he thought that when he met me the feelings he had in all his past that lead him to cheat would go (he cheated in his past relationships the longest he has lasted is 2 years). he said that he hasent cheated on me yet (i belive him), but last time he went out with his friends he was in a situation that really tempted him and he almost cheated on me.i realy like him and am very sexually atracted to him. he wants to stay friends as we get along really well, i do but i don't want to sleep with him if we are no longer together. do you think this can work, has anyone experienced this?he says he thinks he cant be faithful, i think he hasent yet met the right woman (he says that i was and thats why hes telling me all this).i dont do one night stands and i will miss the sex as it was good, was i right to end all sexual aspects of our relationship?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Of course you were right to end the sex. You sound like you really didn't want to end that aspect of this relationship. Are you regretting that decision? I hope not. Listen he's told you he's not into a long term committed relationship with you. So we know he is saying "I don't want to date you exclusively..I want to explore and have fun with other.
I think you should cut this guy out of your life, completely. Why? Because parts of him want different things from you and he knows you want him, so he's keeping you in orbit around him. And that may be painful for you, if he's dating other females and having sex with them. I think you have to accept that while he'd like to do a good, stable, intimate relationship, he's just not capable of it. I think you know what we all know. He's not emotionally available to a committed, exclusive relationship. So to you I'd state, instead of trying to get blood out of a stone, why not just cut off contact with this fellow and move on and find someone who shows he can offer the good, nourishing love you want.
No more pinning hopes on guys to make you happy. A lot of people are either not ready or incapable of that. He was honest with you, I'll give him that. So instead of giving 'his' wants and feelings (friends) centre stage in your life, why not start putting your feelings in the limelight and remembering how much you hate the uncertainty/confusion of going out (or not) with this guy? That way you'll feel free to move on to find someone who wants the same as you do and can act on it. Good luck and this is definitely the time to be strong, resourceful, get over this guy, heal, recover, and go find someone who cherishes you.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 April 2008):
Wow, you've found the worlds most self aware man.
It's been really good of him to tell you straight that he's not a one-woman-man.
You aren't deeply in love with him and you can stay friends. I wouldn't carry on sleeping with him, as if you have mild feelings for him and then he goes off with other people you will still end up getting hurt.
I don't think it is a case of finding the right woman, I think it's a case that he isn't interested in long term relationships.
You've had a really great run with him, so take that and move on.
Good Luck!! xx
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