A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok 2 years ago i met this girl and kinda went out with her, she was very obsessive with me totally always wanting my attention, She kept asking me a few weeks in if i fancied her, and i didn't say anything,i was scared and didn't ask her out, i also done some silly things like self abuse because i was encouraged by the music and friends i liked at the time, she was 14 i was 16, eventually i think she had enough with me and stopped liking me as much, she asked me out on the internet, i said ok, then i went with her in the park. walked own the road, and she kissed me once,..... i said don't you want one back......she said it doesn't feel right,and she just carried on walking and went home,leaving me in the rain,i just started getting very upset,and wished i would have been more romantic,she loved me totally. We have been in touch since. and we basically talk over the internet on facebook. because of Me moving 100+ miles away from her because of my family relocating.anyway about 5 months ago,she was talking to me on msn and told me that we have been friends for a long time, so she will always be there for me. and that i am not like other guys im sound like., she was also talking about her new boyfriend to me (who she has been with for 6 months) and how happy she is. we didnt say a lot more since. most recent was a few days ago,i noticed she put her dog died and shes upset,so i privately messaged her and gave her sympathy,which was ignored.I Just want to know if theres any possible way for me to get her to fall in love with me again as i have done a whole load of growing up,and want another chance. If she fell for me before (think its because i have nice eyes) can she fall for me again? Im actually thinking of relocating just to be by her as i have had more girlfriends since and just cant get her off my mind,never had someone that loved me so much.Any advice is appreciatted ,thanks if you read it all lol, Ps i am attractive, but not dating as much as i compare other girls to her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats,great,made me feel a lot better, i just hope it's still possible to get with her and that her ignoring me wasen't a way of her telling me to back off or get lost or something espically considering she told me 5 months ago that she will always be there for me but now is ignoring me. thanks, i think i will also work on myself in the mean time and try to become more confident, but i just can't stop thinking about her,anyway thanks again Top Answer! i dont want to take up to much of your time =] so Cheers mate!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2010): You're welcome. I try to put every bit of options and damage control into my advice as possible, so you always have a win/win situation in life, whichever path you take.
To be honest, I would check in with her every now and then on her status(single, dating), to see whether she's still taken, but try not to make it too obvious to her, at the same time, until she appears single. Then I would make the move to really start trying to get involved with her.. like telling her you noticed her status says single..
That's when I would really be honest with her about how you feel. Until she's single, though, I wouldn't chance putting yourself out there for her, too much, other than just laying back and holding on as a mere friend. You could always try flirting with your words, or dropping the odd little hint that you kind of like her, but I wouldn't tell her the extent to how strongly you feel about her, or you might get cut off forever, since she seems intent on not breaking your heart while she tests the waters with this guy she's with.
For now, the most I would do is tell her that if she ever loses this other guy, or feels hurt by that relationship, you'll be there for her(If you start talking to her more, and the right time comes to say that). At the same time, I wouldn't let her just carry on about her boyfriend, to you, because then she'll convince herself that you're nothing more than just a friend and an ear for her experiences, rather than a serious part of them.
On the other hand, I've never believed in getting too involved with someone who's already in a relationship, since it would be malicious, and she would despise you in the end, and blame you forever, if something bad happened to another relationship as a result. Just let her sail her sea for now, as difficult and painful as I know it feels, for you. That way, even if she stays with this guy forever, or never goes back to you, you can say that you've loved her to the utmost extent, in that you tried, but still let her choose her happiness. There's always the chance, though, that things will fall through with them, and she really gives you the chance to be with her once again, and I wouldn't lose faith in that happening, since you love her so much.
While waiting, though, there's nothing wrong with testing the waters, yourself, even if they never seem to compare to her. Sometimes that feeling grows while being with someone, and you might just find the same amount of happiness and love in dating someone else, as hard as it would be to believe that. There's nothing saying she might not be with that guy for six more months, or a year or two, or more.. so make the best out of the time you have to wait, and on top of that, by doing so, your life has the potential to progress to the type of happiness you felt with her, but without her..
In short, just like there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open that she might break up with this guy and you can open up to her on how you feel, it's just as healthy to keep your options open that something might work out just as great while dating someone else, in the process. Because you love her to the extent you do, I wouldn't ever tell her you're dating, even if you do, because then you might miss your chance if she becomes available. Then you could still take have the option of deciding to keep the person you're currently dating, or dump them when you have the chance to go back to her.:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHat is such a great answer,thank you, i never really thought that ,that mayby be the reason,it has been a year and a half or so since i last seen her,and she does live 100+miles away from me now, yeah she has a boyfriend and been with him for 6 months,but she did say to me she would always be there,so mayby i should open up to her if she ever falls out with him? but the problem is ,is that she lives pretty far from me (a 100 mile train journey) but i would be more then enough willing to live down there jus to be with her. so should i wait till she falls out with her bf? or should i tell her my feelings now? it might be strange as i havent seen her in a good while,and it would have to be over facebook.?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): If she had a b/f and told you how happy she was with him, I'm afraid she's locked you in the friends zone. When she told you "it didn't feel right" in the park, it wasn't your fault.. she just wasn't feeling it, and left you there because she didn't know how to explain it at the time.
If you're not sure if she still has a b/f, try messaging her to see. If not, then ask her if she'd like to go out sometime. Even if she's not completely into you, maybe things will change, since they started out great. There's always that possibility that she may have compared what she's had in the last while, as well, and wonders if things might have been better if she was with you.
Try it out! You have nothing to lose, and if you get rejected, at least you'll have a clear answer from her either way. If she has a boyfriend, I would just hold on to the friends zone for awhile and maybe wait for an opening to try to date her once again. If your feelings for her are that strong, unless she's completely not into you and continues to give you signs of that, or she has a boyfriend, be brave and confront those feelings, or they'll eat away at you for a long time.
Yes, you're taking a gamble at losing her as the close friend she trusts, but if you don't feel content just being her friend because the feelings are so strong, then if it were me, I'd take the chance at asking her out, unless she's got someone at the moment. Reason being, she may feel as though it's unfair to keep you posted on her boyfriend(s), since she knows if you have strong feelings for her, it would feel very awkward and cruel, for you. That might just be why she's unresponsive to your last message(s). There's always the chance that by not acting at all, in that sense, she might distance her self more and more, anyway. Therefore, you could lose her as a friend, either way, so I would play my cards at asking if she's single, and if so, asking her out. At least you'll be able to say you followed through with your feelings, and put closure on them, whether she wants to be with you or not.
Be very open with her about your feelings if she doesn't have a boyfriend, but if she has one, don't tell her anything of how strongly you feel, or she just may push you away, feeling the need to stop you from being too hurt.
Good luck.
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