A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seein this guy for a long time since November. He's been stayin with me almost since the first night of November. We now live together. He doesnt consider me his girlfriend even though we live together and have sex like boyfriend and girlfriend do. He says we have different morals which why he hasent asked me to be his girl.I think thats kinda awkward. He has shown signs of jelousy like when it comes to ex boyfriend. He'll put my ex down and wen i talk to my guy friends he get really quite as if he gets mad. He just doesnt tell me anything. This guy who I live with takes care of me if i need anything. We're like bestfriends. He's been there for me emotioinaly and financially. Its almost like if we're married. I think he doesnt want me to be his girl cause I have 2 kids from a previous marriage. I dont know. Im confused. I really dont think he's usin me for a place to stay or just for sex. He has family he could stay with here in our town and he really isnt the first one who initiates sex first. We do everything together and have gone through alot since we've started seeing eachother. I love this guy with all my heart. He's told me he loves me too but that we wont be nothin but just friends. I wish he would ask me to be his girl. We have alot in common except i have kids and he doesnt. If its my kids stoppin him from askin me to be his girl I dont see why that would be a problem..my kids dont live with me and Im not the type that would make my kids some other mans responsibility if thats wat he might think and know i wont!...they have their dad whos there for them. So my kids are basically not in the way. I dont even bring them around him. He's even brought me around his family. We've even had family gatherings with his family and what not..something i never did with my ex! Everybody refers to me as his girl cause we're always together! But he tells everyone and me that we're nothin but friends. I dont know. Could you please tell me what i should do. Do you think he one day will ask me to be his girl. what do you think will happen? What do ya'll think about this and what do yall think i'l shall do? What do ya'll think he's thinkin? Please help! I love this guy!
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Having two children has nothing to do with him not wanting you as his girlfriend at all, so stop using that as an excuse. You say you met him in November and then moved straight in with him, that was stupid wasn't it?
I think you should have your children involved in all family occasions, whether he is there or not. They are YOUR CHILDREN and you should have a say whether they should be part of your life too and concentrate on being a good mother to them. As for your jerk of a boyfriend, I think you should kick his SORRY ASS TO THE KERB and move onhe is using you without a shadow of a doubt.
You are just his FWB and not his partner, I mean what possessed you to move in with a guy you did not know from Adam? is it because you was lonely and you did not have your children with you? Nothing can substitute the love of a son or daughter, they are there for life. Jerks like him are a dime a dozen and just come and go.
Do yourself a favour dear, get rid of this SPINELESS SELFISH EXCUSE OF A MAN and find someone who is proud to call you his girlfriend.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): You deserve stability and most importantly your children need stability.What kind of morals is he showing your children when he is living with you, sharing a bed with you and youre not even dating. It's completely fair of you to want to know where you stand. I don't know how long u have been together if its less than 3 months then perhaps its a little pushy but he has moved in with you.Perhaps he has demons from his childhood about marriage and commmitment. perhaps he's insecure. Perhaps he's being a proud guy who doesnt want to discuss his feelings. I would advise dialogue rather than ultimatums explain that u have children in the picture and its not fair on them. You deserve someone to love you, woo you and treat you like a princess. please dont ever put up with anything less. cause im sure there are sooooo many guys who would bite off their right arm in order to be yoyur knight in shining armourxxx
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A
female
reader, Emmaxbaby +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Sorry to say but i think hes using you, It seems to me that hes walking all over you.
Hes staying with you and having sex with you.
Personally i think hes telling you that he loves you to keep you intrested so you wont give him the boot, and thats not on!
I could be wrong but thats how i see it, i think you should have a serious chat with him
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2008):
 In hindsight you should have insisted on that girlfriend title before he moved in, but better late than never. Tell him to piss or get off the pot. This "just friends" is just hogwash. Call him out or throw him out. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 I got to agree with LJ001
Just what are these moral differences?
He basically seems to claim he has the moral high road and therefor he can accept you as his gf but he can live in your house, have sex with you and do all the things a couple do without ever actually commiting to anything.
He is thinking "wow, I can't believe she is buying this".
Could be wrong, but doubt it. It is not your kids perse, he just doesn't want to commit.
Find out what he means by those different morals. I don't think it holds water, just an excuse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): I think he's afraid of commitment - he lives with you and has sex with you, claims you are 'just friends', but then uses the excuse that you have different morals! His morals must be unusual, as he's still living with a 'friend' and having sex with them.
I hate to say it, but it seems like he's using you. He doesn't want all the 'responsibilities' of having a girlfriend, so basically he just has a high class, all-to-himself and free hooker. You should tell him that if he's not going to tie down and let you know where you stand with him, then you shouldn't carry on like you are. It'll end in tears honey - and he clearly hasn't grown up enough to deal with the emmotions this 'relationship' could bring. Good luck :]
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