A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I have a problem with a girl that I have lost all my hang ups on and I have admitted to myself that I love her.I am a male in my mid 20's. Near the turn of the year I met a lovely girl and things developed quite fast. The girl had a child and it's the first time I've dated a girl with a child. As this was new to me I had issues committing and the female starting asking what "we were" to which I didn't really answer. I also kept on massaging other girls which backfired as I messaged a friend of hers. The dating fizzled out as a result and I admitted to myself that maybe it was for the best. During our time dating I never met the child and stayed in bed when the child got up for school etc. I didn't feel too comfortable as I was conscious the child was there and could walk in on us etc. The girl I was seeing met someone else which didn't work out early on, I didn't know the latter for some time. Months after I regretted what happened and messaged her. She messaged back a week later and we started chatting. One night at 12pm she called me to ask me for a drink and stating we needed to chat about the mess we were in. I was feeling anxious thinking there might be another reason for the call and I said some honest things about being anxious about dating a mum when we were together that I immediately regretted. Later on I put my cards on the table and told her how I felt about her and I had grown up and didn't mind she was a mum at all and would be proud to meet the child should we be friends or more. A few months have passed and I feel like I messed things up during that phone call. We met yesterday for coffee and she stated beforehand that it was just as friends. It was her idea to meet for coffee when I asked her if she was out in town one night but replied saying she wasn't we could go for coffee sometime. Do you think she sees a future with us at some point? What do I do moving forward? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice :) I guess I can count myself lucky that the suggested meeting and we both said it was nice seeing each other. I guess I have to be patient now and definitely not message her with how I feel again. Maybe ask her for another coffee.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (23 September 2016):
 I'm sorry, but I agree with the others - I think you've missed your chance with her. As a single mother she is already painfully aware that not every guy is 'forever' material, and there's absolutely no reason for her to bet her heart on someone who is texting other girls from the very beginning. You decided (for both of you) that what you had wasn't serious and moved on, leaving her with no choice but to do the same. Now she has. There is no switch she can flip to suddenly feel serious about you again just because you've changed your mind. And she's probably not inclined to try because you've expressed mixed feelings over what is likely the most important part of her life - her child. You can change your attitude toward kids, but she can't change the fact she has one.
Again, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I highly doubt she sees a future with you. There are lots of nice women out there and I think your focus now should be on finding one who is a better fit for you.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 September 2016):
 I don't think she wants ANYTHING more than an acquaintance/friendship with you because she has SEEN you in "action".
A guy who messages multiple girls is JUST not BF material, specially NOT to a woman who has a child. She has the added on a responsibility of NOT bringing drama home to her child. To set a positive example for her child. THAT includes picking a BF who is stable, reliable, honest and mature.
Sorry OP, you didn't just "grow up" over a couple of months, you might have realized that you acted like a dick and you don't like that idea.
You really think..... it's OK to text with MULTIPLE people if you are seeing someone or trying to date them? It seems to me the ONLY reason it "backfired" was because you were (sorry) dumb enough to get caught messaging one if HER friends.
YOU need to work on yourself.
1. Figure out what is making you think it's OK to mess around with several people. Now I get it if you are single... But then you ALSO need to be UPFRONT with the women that you are NOT looking for a relationship.
2. Figure out why... you all of a sudden want to make a go with this woman, now that she has told you she wants nothing more than friendship?
3. Focus on being the guy you WANT to be. Right now, you are in your late 20's acting 17. It's not cute anymore.
And frankly, accept that you "lost" the chance with this one girl through no fault of HERS. She doesn't HAVE to want to date you because you feel like you have grown up. She wised up. Your turn now.
Sorry if I seem harsh on you, but it seems to me you take absolutely no REAL responsibility for you actions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2016): I think if you had wanted her, you would have done everything you can to be with her and wouldnt have been stringing her a long or messing with her. It all sounds completely childish from your part. I dont see it working out.
If it didnt matter that she is mom, it shouldnt have matter in the beginning. Just move on OP. I dont see her being interested when shes been tossed around by you like that.
What if you actually do meet the child and realize that you DONT want to be a father figure to him? I think youll be face with that if you continue to date her and then youll back out again.
Like James Bay said it 'Just let it goooo, just let it beeee'
Good luck =)
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