A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:my wife has been talking to this guy she knew 10 years ago from work.i just found out that they had sex when she was supposed to be at her moms.they talk on the internet.he lives in nevada and we live in va.i overheard her tell him that she loves him.they have been talking for a year behind my back. we have an 11 year old daughter.i feel really stupid that they have been doing this behind my back. my wife says that she really likes this guy and that she wants to be single.she also tells me that she loves me.i dont want to lose my daughter but i dont want my wife to take advantage of me.i love her dearly and want it to work.does any body think this long distance affair will last?he has a family to and he and his wife are seperated and living in the same house with children.i would like to choke the life out of him but know that l cant get into trouble. she has no job nor any prospect of a job. she would never make it on her own.i dont want her to stay,just waiting for something better to come along.i also know if i find out they are trying to see each other again, i might snap. i know i can stop this crap, but am just trying to figure out HOW. she said when they had sex that she ran out crying ,feeling guilty like a whore. should i tell her to get out?then she takes my daughter.she keeps telling me that she is right here and not with him.she also told him we were seperated and we are not.should i call him and try to explain to him what she means to me?WHAT SHOULD I DO?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): wow...a year behind your back. what a stab in the back. and what a lack of heart she seems to have towards you and the vows you have made to one another.
here's the harsh truth. she doesn't love you. she loves the fact that you continue to provide a roof over her head, a car for her to drive, money for her to spend, food for her to eat. after all, with no job, she can't be contributing to this household financially.
you need to see a lawyer, see what can be done with your daughter in terms of custody, and end this charade of a relationship she's trying to keep up. it will be hard. you're gonna hurt like hell from the deceit you're experiencing. but it WILL work out. and you will be better off without her.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (8 February 2010):
 You need to make your wife feel some consequences. If your wife is in love with him she is in what is called "The Fog". Unless she goes no contact with this guy, then there is no hope for reconciliation.
In the mean time it is an imperative that you contact this man yourself and expose the affair to his significant other or wife. she needs to know the truth.
Once again, you are staying for all the wrong reasons, and this will continue.
cheaters will not stop unless they fear losing something, and right now your wife is not losing anything. Kick her ass out...then she might think twice.
But really why would you want her at this point.
Get checked for STD's and see a lawyer..take her to the cleaners.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): I would never beg the other guy anything as it undermines you because you look weaker than a wet noodle as Ann Landers may have said.
You have to interact only with your wife and sell her on why she should stick with you, which under the current circumstances seems a rather dubious purpose because she has run off to some other guy who will give her what you do not seem to provide. Why did she do this as you write she is wholly dependent on you for everything? I think you've really messed up somehow and will have to summon a walking-on-water type event to turn things around.
Happy trekking.
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A
female
reader, M@i +, writes (7 February 2010):
I honestly think u should let her go. As they say, if the person is ment for u they will come back. Let her know that she is free to go but that ur daughter stays with u. If she has no job she will probably hav the guy get her a new home and I doubt ur daughter can handle seeing a new guy with her mom. Keep her with u. Ur wife cheated so legally u can keep her. Just tell ur wife that u love her but as long as she keeps talking to the other guy she is not welcome in ur house bc that is disrespecting u. Be brave and calm. Remember that ur daughter is the most important person here and she must be feeling very confuse. Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (7 February 2010):
I have read several of your posts and have come to the conclusion that you are not telling us the whole story. Her behavior indicates that there might possibly be an issue with your infidelity in the past. She is acting like a person who has suffered neglect in her marriage and as a result now she only cares about herself now. But I may be wrong. Either way, read some of this advice : www.kissmegoodnight.com. Especially the article about 101 ways to restore your marriage. As for phoning the guy, it might be an idea to find out what his intentions are; is he planning a future with her or what? Ask him and tell him you want to know so you can bow out (even if you still intend to fight) then he will be more truthful with his response. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): the guy your wife is seeing is probably playing mind games saying the things your wife wants to hear. I think if you really still love your wife fight for her. Show her how much she means to you instead of typing to us how much she means to you. Woman likes excitement just as much as men do. maybe you guys arne't doing anything together that shows her that this relationship still has its sparks. Take her out, show her a good time with just the two of you and maybe a few days later go out as a family. Let her see what she has INFRONT of her instead of thinking baout someone whos not with her or providing for her and her daughter. You also have the right to keep your daughter because you are the one who has a stable job to support your daughter and if you have something that proves that your wife is cheating and seeing someone else you can bring that to court. I hope everything works out for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2010): yes call him and imbarrass him. most probably he is only playing with her emotions and once he sees trouble ahead he will back off. but also I must say you, and your wife have issues to solve between you two,and she will always be open to temptation. sorry to say but seperation as an option you must cosider.
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A
female
reader, aenriq39 +, writes (7 February 2010):
:( man if i were you i'd be in burning in rage. I am sure she's confused. It could be an infatuation also. So i'd tell you if i were in your shoes to seek some type of couples therapy and find out why this has happened. What has gone wrong what changed between you 2. Don't worry about losing your daughter. IF there is some time of separation like a divorse.(not wishing it k) you'd have joint custody so she can't banish out of town or nothing crazy. Try to talk it out maybe give each other space to think things out. What would you like to happen? Sorry tho hope it works out
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