A
female
age
41-50,
*ngel delight
writes:Four weeks ago I was dumped by a man i was seeing. He was married and I understand that it was wrong and all that but I still love and care about him. We were together for nearly two years. When he dumped me he told me that he wanted to become friends straight away but i told him that I didnt think it would work. Frightened that he would move on and forget about me and what we had I agreed to be friends with him. He would text me at least 20 times a day and he would always text first in the morning. He showed a genuine interest in my life and we would meet up once or twice a week for coffee or at the gym.Two weeks after we split we met up and he told me he missed me and wanted to touch me when he was with me and that it felt wrong not to, but then he hasent done anything about it or said anything since. Yesterday it all became too much. He told me he was cancelling his gym membership and I took it that he was pulling away and avoiding me so we had a big argument.He is having a lot of money problems at the moment so is trying to cut down on the amount he spends. I am also paranoid and jealous that he has met someone else, even though he is married. I was extremely upset at his lack of compassion towards me when we argued yesterday and I told him that i felt it best that for now, we dont have contact. It is now 20 hours later and I have not heard from him!! Do you think he misses me and is thinking about me or do you think he has moved on and feels like he is finally rid of me and is trying and making extra effort with his wife? Im so confused and upset:-(((
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): well he's the one who dumped you so that means he's the one who wants to end the relationship. therefore even if he misses you it doesn't matter because he's decided that this affair must end. Of course he will move on from you, whether working on his marriage or finding another affair. He's the one who broke off this relationship so that means he intends to move on.
A
female
reader, nikkistarz  +, writes (19 June 2011):
I agree with Red Athena. Most married men tend to stay married. They may carry on an affair for years, but in most cases (note I didn't say all), he will not leave his wife. It sucks that you're hurt. I don't want to come across as judging or nonchalant, but it's a risk you took when you decided to start with him. Sounds like he knew how to snag you, had his time with you, and now he's moving on. Even if he does miss you, reality is that to him were #2. Why settle for second, when you could have first with someone else?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (18 June 2011):
 You were his Mistress. He ended it.
He does not owe you an explanation or obligation.
He may have met someone else, he may have recommitted to his marriage.
If he could cheat on his wife with YOU, he showed a lack of compassion then to a relationship commitment. He SHOWED you his charachter then. As long as he chose you, you were ok with his choices.
He is the only person on the planet that could tell you he misses you, but what purpose would that serve?
Become MORE than "the other woman".
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Your story is exactly like mine only I was the one who split with my married dude. Let me tell you yes he will be missing you and yes you had something special but his marriage means more to him. Sorry to dissapoint but you need to accept it- accept the anger and pain you will feel over the next few days, it will heal a lot sooner than you think once you find it inside yourself to leave him. He is stringing you along. Learn that whether you are on the scene or not this will not stop him seeing other women if that is what he intends to do. So cancel your gym membership an take up elsewere, stop the coffe meetings and change your number. He will never be yours even if he does divorce his wife because he will always have a connection with her.
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