A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is a guy that I had been talking to for about a week. We spoke through text and calls, and finally met up for a first date last Saturday. He did not call me back after that date, so I have been analyzing everything I have said or done to make him possibly not want to call again. I'm suspecting it's because maybe he thought I wasn't a sexy, classy girl due to my humor on the first date. Personally, I have a crude sense of humor, it's not very PG-13.I admit, I shouldn't have, but I made some crude jokes with him because I had gotten comfortable with him.(Some jokes on the date were about buttholes, some were about gay sex that I heard from a comedian at a stand up show, things like that.) He even laughed at all of them and played along.We had a great date and even kissed. We were vibing, I thought he was a funny guy and so I felt that making those jokes would be okay. I had even told him before he asked me out on the first date that my humor's a bit crude, but he still asked me out. In hindsight, I regret making those types of jokes right away on the first date because maybe he thought I wasn't classy or maybe he thought I was unrefined and not sexy/mysterious.My friend told me that he should like me for who I am naturally. I agree, but am having doubts that I might have left a not so great impression. What do you guys think? Do you think that this ruined my chances with this guy? Could I have hindered my image by getting comfortable too soon?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2016):
 IF you think the crude jokes were what "ruined" it for you - learn from it and don't do those on the next first date.
You only talked to him for a week then had a date, and then nothing.
Could be is is dating/chatting to multiple girls and found someone who was a better fit.
I think you need to just relax and be yourself on dates, not try and outdo some stand-up comic. And know that it IS normal and OK to be a bit nervous on the first few dates. So GO SLOW and cut yourself a break.
Move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): I don't think he was turned off by the crude jokes as much as he was by your lack of a filter. I agree with your friend that you should be yourself. However, there is a time and place for everything. It's possible your jokes were gratituous. Maybe it came off like you were trying too hard. Its important to have a filter, you can't always be crude at all times and around everybody. What if you were at a job interview? Or at work? Do you make crude jokes at work in front of customers or clients? On a first date, you are talking about buttholes and gay sex, this guy was probably left with the impression that this is how you are going to act when he first introduces you to his friends and his parents. You have no filter. I'm sure the guy has a sense of humour. That's not the problem. Your timing was bad. You should've played it safer and learn to pick up social cues so you know when certain comments are or are not appropriate.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 Your friends are right, you should just be yourself. Don't try and be anyone else. There could be a number of reasons why he never asked for a second date yet. Don't beat yourself up about it. Plenty more fish in the sea.
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