A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel very conflicted with my current situation and would love advice from anyone.I'm leaving in a few days to spend a week with my ex who lives in another state. Our relationship started when he lived near me and then he moved for a job. The distance became too much and we fought over little things and couldn't seem to make it work at the time. We've been broken up for over a year and we have talked and stayed in contact the entire time. We've both dated other people and told the other one about our dates. However I think we both feel that there is still a connection and want to see if it's worth pursuing again. I've been wanting to move for awhile and would consider moving to him if we felt it could work out long term. He is someone I could see myself marrying although I can't say I love him now.I started talking to a guy that I work with a few months ago. We were friends for awhile and he's a great guy though slightly less mature than I am. We get along really well and I feel very comfortable with him. We have been out to drinks a few times in the past two weeks. He is well aware of my current situation because I knew he had feelings for me and I wanted to be honest with him. I think I'm starting to have feelings for him too. I've never been treated so well before and we've barely dated. But I can tell even by the way he looks at me that he cares about me. This is something that I always felt was lacking from the other guy. Side note- our office does permit in office dating so long as it does not interfere with work and neither of us plan on even interacting at work. I think I should view this trip as seeing if I still have strong feelings for my ex. But I don't know how to stop thinking about the guy I work with. I don't want this to blow up in my face. I've always been of the mindset that if I'm not in a relationship with either party that they don't need to know full details of other dates I go on as they could just as easily be dating other women as well. Do you think I should stick with a guy who feels safe or give the new guy more of a chance?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): We broke up with my ex because he had to move to a different country.
We weren't together for about a year but we spoke every single day and he flew out to see me several times during that year when we were broken up. We realized that we wanted to make it work and I moved to be with him. 5 years later, I couldn't be happier.
Moral of the story you need two people who are absolutely determined to make it work. Who can't imagine life without each other. People who believe whole heartedly that what you have is irreplaceable.
You dithering makes me think you should forget about the ils relationship. You don't sound like you're convinced he's the one.
Go for the new guy ;-)
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (24 April 2015):
i would say give the new guy a chance. Exes are exes for a good reason and you have a better chance with the new guy who is eager and clearly likes you
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