A
female
age
30-35,
*igi33
writes:Need a little advice please! I got out of a very serious relationship early last year and since moved to the city in a houseshare and regained my life again. I became best friends with one of the housemates and the other moved out a few months into me living there. She was replaced by one of my housemates friends and we hit it off straight away. He ended up asking me out and I said yes and I really do like him. He’s very genuine, heart of gold and I trust him. The only thing is he’s a little socially awkward. As in he doesn’t know how to really act in the relationship. He’s older than me but I don’t think he’s had relationships in the past. I have to guide him through everything which at first I didn’t mind but it feels draining.I left to go and visit my family over Christmas and he wasn’t great at contacting me. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t care, and my housemate has agreed and because she knew him before she says he is very much like this, he doesn’t know how to support people but she is rooting for us and thinks we’re really good together and believes eventually he will get the hang of it and what I need.I feel so pathetic telling him to support me more. I need a bit of reassurance in a relationship which I’m at peace with and think the right one wouldn’t mind doing that for me. Not asking a lot, just to check in to see how I am, etc.The other night I was drunk and text him to tell him it wasn’t really working and of course he’s annoyed ive text about it. I’m not back from my family home yet and need to speak to him when he’s back.Do you think I should stick the relationship out and if so, how do I tell him I need a bit more without sounding stupid or pathetic asking for a bit more support? Thanks! Xo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2019): Why should he change? I have never asked anyone i have dated to change, if i had to i would think we are not compatibleYou can lots of relationships but it doesn't make you an expert, i know plenty of women who have had several and they have ultimately failed and i doubt that is solely down to the man or vice versa. I was single over 18 years before i met my now partner and i never relied on a man and he knows i am self sufficient now, so what do you mean by 'supporting'? I think it is unfair you are bringing this friend into your relationship, you need to be communicating with him not her and talking to him where you think things need looking at. Granted everyone has their faults and a good relationship will be one where they are talked about to hopefully meet in the middle, but if you are asking him to change who he is as a person i don't think you are compatible, do you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2019): Why would you call someone while drunk, for any reason other than a ride?
Checking-in your idea of being supportive? I call that monitoring his whereabouts.
How long were you going to be at your folks? Most people minimize incoming-calls while visiting with family. It's a courtesy not to interrupt your family-time. He knew you were with family, that's normally safe.
You live with the guy; you'll be back soon! It's the Holidays, and maybe he had things to do also!
If you think he's not supportive enough, and you think his awkwardness is "draining." You're not a good match!
I think it's hypocritical to be so critical; when you called him while you were drunk. That in itself is a red-flag against you.
He doesn't have to change just to suit you. So end it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 January 2019):
 What kind of support were you expecting while your parents for the holidays?
He was GIVING you space to spend time with your family.
I really don't see any issue with that.
I wouldn't call it NEEDING support but wanting MORE attention.
And I can also see why he would be annoyed that you "semi-dump" him in a drunken text. Not very mature of you.
Yes, you need to talk. But don't use the word "support" if what you REALLY want is more ATTENTION. There is a big difference there.
If it IS support you mean, then you might NEED to explain what exactly you need support with.
And you might ALSO consider that THIS is who he is, while little things may change over time, HE IS WHO HE IS. And if that is NOT someone you see yourself with, then end it.
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