A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i'm a female 26 yrs of age. Due to the kind of family i was raised with i really stareted sex very late, i started it when i was 22yrs. The thing is i always belived in marriege and i never wanted to have an affair so i waited so long but unfortunatly failed due to the kind of life i was living. I had a very painful and tough childhood living without my parents, no school, just at home raising my cousins. I didn't want to be a maid so i decided to do something about it but fortunatly my father had a fight with his family and finally they threw me out of their house so i had to go live with my father. Well life was very tough as i had no education no money and nothing but i got a job at my fathers friend's restaurant as i was working very hard and a lady customer spotted me and offered me a better job. She taught me how to talk to the customers and a lot more but yet there was always something missing and that is LOVE, as i started getting all those funny feelings. I decided to finally break my promise and have a boyfriend. Unfortunatly as i rushed in to a relationship with a very wrong man he cheated on me and since he was the first man in my life he was driving me crazy but then i finally moved on as i knew it wasnt going any where. Well i was hurt but it was finally over and after a year of being lonely i was again getting hurt, so once again i met some one who this time seem to be a perfect as he was exactly like the prince i dreamed about he really loved me cared about me and all that a women wish for but this second man in my life too broke my heart, but this time its different after five months of breaking up he is back for forgiveness. The thing is i am very cofused as i dont want to get hurt but i too still love him. but i feel like i have made wrong decision all my life, i have suffered all my life now i am 26 i need to have life with peace but i cant imagine my life without him either. I am used to pain now i can say but at the same time i am very tired of it too. Do you think i should move on or give it a second chance? I feel like i have been very strict with people around me i have been so hard on them, do you think thats the reason everything goes wrong with me? Maybe i think i am too perfect to forgive others? I feel like i am going crazy. I am desperate to find happieness in life something that i never had. Life is so difficult for me because i dont have enough money, no education and no one to love. What should i do?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Tough life. It has to be difficult. My advise would be to take a step back and a deep breath. Lets look at happiness as a whole. Can education make you happy, nope, can money make you happy, nope, can a guy make you happy, nope. Happiness comes from within you. You're appreciations, not for what you don't have, but for what you do.
I would say, if you want to give him another chance, do it. In order to forgive him, you have to do so in full. Don't ponder the past, treat it as a brand new experience. I highly recommend you take it slow, make sure he's what you want and while doing that start working on all this past pain. What's bad about this form of pain is it affects not just yourself, but who ever you spend your time with.
First to help you out. Take a piece of paper. Write down the painful experiences, each and every one you can think of. Then next to each one, write down one thing you learned from the experience. The write down one thing your learning can give you in a good way. Happiness begins not with what happened, but how we view what happened.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Hey, so your wondering if you should give him another chance, my answer is no. I've being cheated on myself three times by the same lady. Once they have cheated on you and see that they can get away with it, and they will continue to cheat on you.
If possible get a pet, something you can go home to that loves you. (say a dog, or cat) I personally don't have a pet, but i want one, the way they look at you, without judging you. you feel loved.
Also don't feel that because one relationship is bad, that everyone will be bad. the best way to form a great relationship (in my view) is to become friends and take your time. and then you'll fine that the relationship will last a lifetime.
Regards Michael
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 I think the question of whether you forgive him or not would kind of depend on what he actually did. In general it would come down to if you feel that you are able to trust him again. I think however from what you write here that you may well feel you have been a little harsh on this guy (understandable given your past) so i would tend to say that you should give him a second chance, as much for him as yourself. If it doesnt work out then at least you can look yourself in the mirror and know you tried.
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