A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been friends with this married man for 8 months now, who doesn't have sex with his wife I guess. He is 38 and I am 22. He was my first lover. He took me to his house 3 times and we never had actual sex because I said I want to remain a virgin. He used to talk to me for the first 3 months every day and night. Now he doesn't anymore... He only texts me when he wants to have that physical touch and whenever he loves my picture on my telegram profile... I really fell in love with him... He isn't rich and I don't care about that, I always cared about humanity more than money. But maybe he thinks I'm worthless because I am not like other women. I was told by strangers that I look like Charlize Theron... So I guess I'm not ugly. And that's not why he's not texting me. I can't stop thinking about him... I texted him to call me but he didn't he doesn't even answer his phone whenever I call. What should I do? I really love him... Do you think that he thinks of me? Or I don't mean anything to him? Please be honest I would appreciate that... Thank you for your time and energy to answer this.
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female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (30 September 2016):
 First off, the story he's trying to sell you about not having sex with his wife is most likely a lie on his part. They may not have as much sex as he'd like (which is probably where you come in) but I guarantee if she initiates he isn't turning her down. Then she WOULD suspect him of cheating.
Nor can you be sure that you are the only extramarital partner whose affections he is enjoying.
Your post suggests you did not have sex with him - at least vaginally - which was a very smart move on your part. However, if you performed oral sex on him without a condom or he performed oral sex on you, you should strongly consider seeing your doctor for an STI test just in case.
Now that that's out of the way, on to your question. It sounds like this man came on very strongly in the beginning because he was hoping to get you into bed. I would imagine that the sexual-but-not-intercourse play kept him interested for a while because he still thought that eventually it WOULD lead to sex.
When it became apparent that you were not, actually, going to give him the only thing he was truly after in the first place (sex) he stopped making the effort. I'm sure he still accepts "physical touch" when it's on offer, but he's also not going to risk the marriage he clearly isn't looking to leave on blow jobs or hand jobs. Because divorce is messy and potentially embarrassing and again, he probably does get at least some sex from his wife.
What you're seeing now is him making the least amount of effort he possibly can to keep you as a backup source of "physical touch." You're probably a sweet and beautiful girl, but what you're able to offer him evidently isn't worth the risk to his marriage that calling you and spending time with you would entail.
Delete his number, block him on social media, and find someone who is single and treats you like you're worth more than this. You are.
Good luck and best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2016): He only wants you for the "physical touch." I can almost guess where he gets touched.
Sweetheart, you're wasting your feelings on a man who has a wife, and he's using you to get-off. He has no feelings for you, only requires your "touch." He goes home to his wife, with no intention of leaving her. You're just his play-thing. He has even less respect for you, than he has for her.
You're starting off on the wrong foot. You're too young to get yourself caught-up in a situation with a married-man; and it will damage you emotionally. Not to mention morally. He's not respecting his wife or his marriage; and you are doing the same by being with him. You are betraying a woman you've never met; who has done nothing to you. What if she follows him and finds you? What if she catches you together? What if your family finds out you're messing around with a married-man?
How would you know if he doesn't have sex with his wife? A cheater will tell you anything to get what he wants. He just wants his way with a naive young woman who thinks cheating is okay as long as it isn't happening to her.
What goes around, comes around. Cheating begets bad karma, sweetie! "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
You never know how a betrayed and angry wife may handle the mistress if she tracks her down. Cheaters always slip-up!
You're not in-love. You're a lonely young woman in a fantasy romance. Cut-off all contact and go about your life.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 September 2016):
 Sweetheart, you KNOW what you need to do. It does not matter what WE (total strangers) say to you, you will not dump him until YOU are ready. You are hoping at least one person gives you a glimmer of hope that this man loves you, thinks about you, fantasizes about you. You will then hold on to that little glimmer, allowing this man to trample all over your feelings and throw you morsels of hope that he wants to continue this relationship.Put yourself in the shoes of his wife. How would you like it if some younger pretty girl was messing with your husband? It would make you very sad, wouldn't it? You cannot build your happiness on someone else's sadness. Karma will come back and bite you on the bum. Even if your relationship were to develop (which I really wouldn't hold out much hope for), could you ever trust this man, knowing how you met him and how he cheated and lied to his wife? Of course you couldn't. My guess is you are not the only young woman this man is messing with. He was in constant contact while you were "flavour of the month" but he has probably found someone new now and your novelty value is no longer there for him. You are worth so much more. Take a deep breath, hold your head up high and stop contacting him. Block him so he can't contact you again. It doesn't matter if at first you think about him all the time. In time that will slowly start to fade and you will be glad you walked away from this non-relationship. I hope you have the strength and pride to walk away. Sadly I don't think you will (because you already KNOW he is no longer interested but still you keep begging for crumbs of his attention). I hope I am wrong.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 September 2016):
 He only wants whatever physical touch you give him. On his terms.
I doubt he is not having sex with his wife (meaning he is)
I also know you think you love him but i doubt it's truly love.
and i know this will be hard to hear but you need to stop contact with him. the longer you continue with him the harder it will hurt when he ends it with you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 September 2016):
 Well am glad you did not allow him to take your virginity. That was one smart move. Although you still got intimate with a married man, do you not feel any guilt at all? Do you want to be that woman that messes with a marriage? A family?
My guess is that he does not contact you any more because he wanted sex, he waited a while but probably decided it was not worth the risk to his marriage.
Delete him from social media, block his phone number, you will soon get over him. He is married, if he wanted to be with you he would have ended it, but he didn't. You can do much better for yourself. In future try and find someone who is single. You should never be that woman that ruins a family home. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 September 2016):
 He'll never have you because he's not leaving his wife. This isn't love, this is infatuation with a man you can't have. Well done for not having sex with him, but you need to stop talking to him because he's not single. Find someone who is.
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