A
female
age
36-40,
*ot the other girl
writes:I need some advice PLEASE !I met this guy Paul about 6 months ago at a party, we were both in a weddign together, him the best man be the maid of honor. Over the next few months we became friends, mainly just chatting and organizing things for the wedding. I found out he was 36 yrs old, married with 3 young sons. I also found out he was having problems in his relationship and he said that his kids were the only reason he was still married. The night of the stag/stagette parties he told me I was a great person and if he was single he would be hitting on me like crazy. I was flattered and in a weird way wishing he wasnt married. We ended up kissing that night, it was a just a kiss and that was it. A few weeks later he left his wife and called me all in the same day. He said that it took him a while to realize that he was as unhappy as he was in his marriage. he said it took a lot for him to leave but he did what was best, I know it was wrong but I was actually really happy that he did leave his wife. Within the same month we started going on dates and hanging out a lot. BUT NOW we have come across some issues.My family hates that he is older, that he is still legally married and that he has kids. The bride from the wedding we were in says that I wrecked a perfect marriage, and hasnt spoken to me since and many of my friends say he wants to boost his self esteem by dating a younger girl and if he would leave his wife and kids I shouldnt trust him. I know they all make sense but I really like him. Do you think I am his rebound girl or do you think he may really be interested in me?
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male
reader, Nana adjei  +, writes (21 September 2010):
There is no way you can force someone to love. Love is reciprocal, if you love someone and you are not loved back, you should not worry, go out there and talk to ten nice ladies, i swear you shall get one. A girl who loves you will always feel desperately to be with you. And, even feel proud introducing you out there.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (21 September 2010):
Hi there. It's hard to say what it is really.
Certainly on the surface there is some sort of attraction. At such an early stage, it couldn't possibly be true love.
He's just happened to meet you when he was having tough times with his wife. It's pretty hard sometimes with a family. He does have 3 small sons. Perhaps they are having financial problems, paying off the mortgage etc. Life has many problems.
He has escaped into your arms, after meeting you during the preparations for your mutual friend's wedding. It was a chance thing.
It's possible he might go back with his wife, when he realizes what he's done.
At the moment it's a fairytale and not quite real. As between you and him there are no ties, just the sex mainly.
It is a bit of an escape from reality for him, a bit of freshness into his life. Something that doesn't seem to exist in his life with his wife and children. Or rather, since the 3 boys came along, the spontaneity has gone out the window. It happens.
Relationships are always exciting in the new stages, while you don't know each other properly. There is still some mystery about each other. You can overlook any faults each might have for so long. Once you start to live together, the bubble bursts and then reality sets in. Those things you could ignore in the beginning, can no longer be ignored and can become really irritating.
The reality is washing dirty socks, dirty undies, ironing, paying the bills and disagreements. Then you start to see if you really do get along as well as you used to. Then it's crunch time.
Another thing to think about is, when the going gets tough - he gets going (into the arms of another woman). In other words, he is finding it hard to take responsibility. He wants to be around while things are going well, then stuff happens and life becomes too hard, and he wants out! Would you really like to be in a relationship with someone like that?
If things start to go sour with you, he might escape back to his wife again. In fact, he might see-saw between the two of you constantly. It seems full of uncertainty.
Yes, in a way, I do think that it is a case of rebound with you. Because he's escaped from his marriage, but instead of just leaving, now he has somewhere to stay - with you. Before you came along, he just stayed and tried to work things out with his wife. Now since he met you, he can just escape to your place. And that's exactly what he's done.
At this stage, I don't think it's "Happy Ever After", just yet. It's still very early in the peace.
Normally, a couple have to be separated for 12 months, before they actually get a final divorce. He may not even be thinking along those lines. There is a lot at stake here, for him. So he has a lot of serious thinking to do, before he makes any decision about his future. He is probably completely uncertain at the moment.
Just take it a day at a time. If you stay together, just remember how you met. Do you think that you could really trust him? Trust in a relationship is important. If you don't have trust, it won't work
In any case, time will tell what is meant to be. It can't be forced one way or the other. It ultimately, will be his decision and only his.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, kenlin  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 well me as me i lost my father am living with my uncle and my untie keeps on fighting with my uncle keeps on loving different women i put my self in the position of his children that he left it hurts seeing your mom fight with your dad and watching your father leave u he may love u his said this things to u. tell did he not use them when he was falling in love with his x wife am not trying to fight against your relationship i just want u to think first and make a good choice worst you end up like his x wife sit down and ask your self a question why did he leave his wife coz once u take a step there might be no turning back every one will hate u BUT
if he's a nice person go ahead coz no one can stand the power o love ###########
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A
female
reader, Drumqueen  +, writes (20 September 2010):
OK Listen to me. YOU ARE NOT THE REBOUND GAL!! My husband who is 20 years older than me, was still married has 2 girls and was having MAJOR troubles in his marrage. Men have a hard time realizing that they are truly unhappy, they put the kids first which is GREAT but at the sametime, hurts the kids. My husband still after 9 years tells me that I saved his life. As they get older they mature. lol. Just be there for him and Don't let him think that you are the same as the EX....do that NOW lol. Good luck and be happy. Love lotion.
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