A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi to whoever reads this and there is so much detail to share. I just really need some advice/opinions and to get my mind off this situation of mines for a while or even figure out about what to do with it. I will try to keep it short. This will be a post about a long time guy friend whom I developed strong feelings for. My feelings started about two years and a half ago. We have known each other for roughly ten years. In the beginning when I started to like him more than just my friend I had a guilty conscience as to why I am feeling this way towards my good friend. As time passed I contemplated and considered carefully whether my feelings were just temporary, unreal, and an obsession. Then I learned that whether he was absent or whether when I was together with him my feelings grew for him either way. We would laugh and talk about almost anything when we are together. With the relationship topic we would usually smile but neither he nor I would go into detail or too much about our relationships with other women or men—I have dated only once and that was about 5 years ago. He told me he dated three women in the past the last time I asked him, which is like several years ago, but they did not work out. I thought it was odd because he never shared until I asked and it is not like he was dating either. That was the only time he spoke about other women that he “dated” and it is a fact that he does not mention any women or their names to me every since I have known him. Whether he wants to keep them private or not—as to of right now I do not want him to mention other women. I just feel that he has a special person inside his heart but who is it I cannot be certain. Hopeful that it would be me-YES. I am unsure how my feelings occurred and I do not hold any particular reasons to why I like him. I just like him for who he is and do not think too much about what he is like in the past or now. But to him maybe he does care about that. At least I feel he does but I would not turn this into an assumption. So what I am saying is that it was never his look as the biggest factor that has drawn me to get attracted to him but his PERSONALITY. And no, I am not saying he is the perfect guy in my standards but I just accept him as who is. He is a sweet guy in general and sometimes that makes it very difficult to tell who gets treated more differently between the group of female friends we both know. He would be nice to all our/his friends, but with me, he makes me feel special most of the time. In the past he would buy me gifts while he is travelling during the summer and used to buy me gifts randomly. At that time I accepted all the things he gave me without any hesitation in a friendly way. Last year during the summer, learned from a friend that he liked me back then. He said to her that HE MOVED ON BUT IT WAS COMPLICATED. I just couldn’t figure out what that may mean. I was not able to determine how he felt towards me then back then either and was too naïve when I was younger. Also, he never took the initiative and courage to let me know how he feels. I definitely would have considered them. All he did in the past was to show he liked me and I still feel he does---as I will mention several times in here. He still buys me small gifts occasionally now and by accepting them I think differently. I take them because I like him is the most obvious answer and second, he is a good friend of mines. The thought of giving is what counts the most not what I receive. I also used to let him take me home because I always wanted to spend a little time with him even if it was just in the car. I forgot that it may be a burden for him to offer and for me to always go with him. One time he waited for me at school when he went home already but came back to attend an event. He wanted to wait patiently for two hours and helped me carry my books out and took me home. But then, I ask myself why would he do considerate things again if he feels that I had hurt him unintentionally and emotionally in the past? As a friend I understand but that is not what I feel with his reason to what his actions are. But then there are times when he acts so normal (like he does not even care about a relationship) and I cannot tell if he is unsure of his own feelings or something. Regardless, I have a feeling that he still has feelings for me. I asked a friend if I was foolish to have held in my feelings in for some time and over time let them grow. She said I was not being foolish but my feelings may just be deep. If he has romantic feelings for me but has never spoken up is something I do not know or understand. Asking him this question is just as difficult as swallowing a poison that has a 50/50 chance of killing me. Or at least it is not the question for me to ask before I tell him how I feel and if he feels the same way. Things are always occurring every year when I see him. One time we were at the bar celebrating a reunion with our old high school friends and he gave me that sparkling look with his eyes. It was a sincere and calm stare (like he wants to say something and really cared about me). We were having beer and some alcohol too—I did not drink though; everyone else did except me. I played around with him so I winked several times and acted funny back, but I could never forget that glance. Most of the time when we hang out it is usually with a group of friends but this is not to say that I have never spent time one on one with him. I have several times before but we do not get to as often anymore. Our lives are quite busy as adults. Even so, I always get the butterfly or tingling feeling in my stomach every time we spend time alone together. Last year during July 4th he made plans with me and we agreed to go see the fireworks in town together. He skipped out on his family’s gathering towards the end of the event just to go watch the fireworks with me. Something he has never done before because he was always travelling during the summertime and each time we do alone time together I feel that we get more connected somehow on the romantic levelA very close female friend of his asked to tag along though so we did not really get time alone together, but I felt it made it obvious and gave it away that he has warm feelings towards me. This year on Valentine’s day, during that week he did make plans for the two of us to go out. We went out to eat dinner together and he picked me up. He did not allow me to pay for dinner either and brought me some chocolates as well as some for my nieces and nephews at home. He sat close to me when we are sitting side by side and I noticed that difference. I felt that he wanted to sit with our arms touching each other but just didn’t do it. With the sweet moments that reveal our feelings- at least in my opinion- and the possible misinterpretations I made I am doubtful about how he may feel and that his feelings may have changed. But what I want to ask is would a true guy friend do those things and still not admit that he likes you on the romantic level? How can I approach him about it without coming off too strong or should I still confront him about it all?Reasons may be that he is not someone who is willing to sacrifice for love because of our differences, he is too goal-oriented, and will choose his single life over committing to a relationship...so then why do all those things that are leading me on? Or am I creating it for myself because he has never firmly said anything to me about how he feels inside. I feel that he keeps showing but when I react to his actions he avoids me instead. We flirted and hugged a few times before. YES- all this while that I have known him. Is that surprising? I am quite reserved when it comes to guys—not that I do not give my other guy friend hugs. But to someone I genuinely have feelings for that is another story about hugs. Just a hug means a lot to me. So back to what I was saying, I even tried holding his hand once and he asked me why. I gave a stupid answer in reply. I also asked once if we would ever date but his response left me unclear about what it meant. I asked to speak about it again, but he never did. Regardless, he still acts the same towards me. Playful and does not change at all. Is it worth to confront with him or should I let it all go?Thanks for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2014): What you wrote is long but sweet. Ive fallen for female friends several times at first i was just nice to them and did things for them and they appreciated it.The type of females Im talking about would never ask for anything so i never got the feeling that they were using me.Over time my feelings would change for them because these women never judged me they accepted me sometimes they needed me. The reasons i would never tell them how i really felt is because i wanted to be the one guy in their lives that they could be safe and free with I really just wanted to be there friend with out all the drama romance brings to a relationship.Also at those times i wasnt ready for a romantic relation ship and i knew it. "Also, he never took the initiative and courage to let me know how he feels. I definitely would have considered them." Maybe he just likes being your friend. or maybe hes not ready to settle down but it does seem like he loves you. Ive recently met a woman that i have been helping out with things she doesn't ask for anything but accepts if i offer.We have been spending alot of time together. I buy her things she doesnt ask or even expect me to buy her stuff but when i see her looking at something ill ask her if she wants it and she just smiles.Unlike my GF who demands that i by her stuff or she wont put out for a month.So where my GF demands and expects my friend appreciates and accepts. Now after a few months ive really gotten to like my friend but i wouldnt ask her out because i like just being her friend theres a peace to it.Oh i just thought of something as I wrote this maybe im subconsciously fulfilling some paternal instinct. Your friend may be doing the same thing.And If hes like me dating a girl you put in the daughter zone is really wierd
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't proofread the writing so there are several typos so don't mind them. Lol. Another question to ask is have i been lovestruck?. And to add some more info. Recently, I see people who look like him again. That has occurred one or two times before. I just saw him last weekend and I miss him dearly already. Even when I am silent and do not text him for several days I have him on my mind from the moment when I wake up in the morning and he is the last person on my mind before I sleep at the end of my day. Sometimes when I think of him I would smile and other times I would frown. With the valentine day eat out..it felt like a date. I just didn't joke with him about being my date for the night. We did have a great time without having a night full of sweet words. We parked outside my house after returning from dinner and talked for two or three hours. He kept asking questions like he didn't want me to leave and I kept doing the same if he wasn't.
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